Legally Married, Physically Single


Photo credits to Google Images.

You must be wondering what the caption means. How can one be married and single at the same time? Well, it is not that strange where I come from. Lots of women find themselves in this predicament. Want to understand? Stick and stay.

Legally, I’m married but physically and emotionally, I’m as single as ever. I was wedded in a grand traditional style with lots of guests. Little did I know there were too many a witness to my miserable-ever-after. Everyone knew I was taken so I couldn’t risk doing even a little flirting at least. Every wedding guest automatically became a fidelity spy.

I was happily and fully married for just five months until my husband came home one day with the idea of traveling overseas for a greener pasture. I was excited and immediately, images of me walking on snowy pavements wearing some fancy winter wear flashed in my mind. But unfortunately, they all went poof when he added, only he could go…first. He would find a job and settle quickly and then come get me. It didn’t sound that bad so I agreed. I didn’t even have a choice otherwise so all I could do was to wish him well and see him off.

We used to keep in touch regularly for the first month apart but as the days added on, the lesser I heard from him. All I got was his voicemail whenever I tried calling. All my texts and emails were not replied. Then after sometime, what I heard at the other end of the line was that the number no longer existed. I began to worry that something bad had happened to my husband.

Three months soon became three years and here I was, aging way too quickly thanks to loneliness and subtle depression. I remember being so happy getting married because I finally had a ring on my finger so I would not be counted among the ladies who failed to grab a man in their prime years. But looking at me now, what was the point? At least, they could openly make their desperate intentions known to any man who was interested. But for me, the ring which I wore proudly for the first five months after my wedding was now like a chain choking me. Even if I dared to remove them in an attempt to find myself someone to comfort my lonely body and soul, I’d definitely come face-to-face with someone who attended my wedding and the first thing they would check was my ring finger. So after three or four such unlucky encounters, I gave up.

So I returned to being stuck with myself, hoping and praying for him to come back home to me. Then I began to hear stories of immigrant men marrying native women so as to gain residency in foreign countries. My body chilled with fear when I heard them. No, my dear Bobby would never betray me like this. He loved me too much to give me up for a mere residency. Who was I deceiving?

As the years went by, my denial began to fade with them. Within a twinkle of an eye, my beautiful youth that I was so proud of had passed me by and I had done nothing with it but wait for a non-existent husband to return home. His name which I used to say proudly as mine at social functions now brought me anguish and embarrassment whenever it was called out. It didn’t feel like mine anymore.

My long days of waiting for him came to an unexpected end when he called one day to say he was coming home for his father’s funeral. I was so happy! It was rather unfortunate that it had to take a tragedy for him to come back home but what the hell, right? Gosh, how did he look like now?
My jaws dropped in utter disappointment when my eyes fell on the shadow of a figure that he had become. What had happened to him over there? Even if he was scrubbing dishes fifteen hours a day, he shouldn’t be looking like that. Was he the same handsome guy I had married years ago? I couldn’t believe my eyes. After the burial ceremony, I looked forward to discussing our way forward together as a couple estranged for so long. But he dropped yet another bomb with the news that he had to go back to tie up some loose ends and come back home for good. I knew better than to believe that stinking lie. The man I had married was gone and I had to accept that.

So he is gone and yet to come back as he promised and I’m still here, legally married but in every other way, so single. When I was single, all I prayed for was to get married. Now I was but still single in body and soul. Life is funny, isn’t it?

43 Comments Add yours

  1. ajayvyas says:

    that really heart touching tears are juz coming out of my eyes

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Elly says:

    Yes indeed life is funny.
    Interesting read.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thanks for passing by, Elly! Enjoy the rest of your day. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Sylvester UG says:

    It’s evident that guests at the marriage ceremony becomes ‘fidelity spies’

    However,the story depicts women in your ‘part of the world’ as socially and economically vulnerable.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Socially, I might agree to a point but economically? I don’t see how.

      Like

  4. kd sullivan says:

    Wow! I am so sorry…I can relate as I am currently married to someone who is working on becoming mentally well. He is bipolar and it is best if we do not live together because of his illness. I am praying that he continues in his therapy and will be able to return home one day. It’s all a waiting game…But I will wait on the Lord and He will do marvelous things! With or without a husband.

    Liked by 7 people

    1. Bro George says:

      It shall well with you for they that put their trust in the Lord shall never be put to shame.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. joseyphina says:

        Thanks for reading

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Bro George says:

        You welcome Josephine, I wanted to ask if this a true story about you, that’s if am allowed to ask??

        Like

      3. joseyphina says:

        No, it’s not.

        Like

      4. Bro George says:

        🙂Oh okay thanks, was confused about the tone of the comments coming in that’s why.

        Like

  5. This post is just so awesome. I really pray with all that I have in my heart that you find happiness soon.
    Life certainly is very tough. Today when I am writing this comment also, the vacuum in my heart is squeezing me into it. But all I now know is that I have to exist. So I am continuously finding a way to smile. So glad that I found you.
    Stay happy😊

    Liked by 3 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thanks for reading and your good wishes. Stay blessed and have a great new year.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thanks for reading

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m so sorry. Lots of people are ‘married and alone’ even when they are living in the same house. Very sad. I hope you meet your soulmate one day soon. It’s never too late.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thanks for reading

      Like

  7. I’m so so so sorry 😢 😢

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thanks for reading

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Estella says:

    Nice one

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thank you, Estee!

      Like

  9. Shakiyla says:

    Your vulnerability in sharing this is admirable. I’m not sure what part of the world you’re in, but I meet many women here with husbands gone astray. Thank you for your transparency, I pray for peace and life. 🌻

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thank you for reading and sharing these encouraging words.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This is very sad to hear. I shall be praying for you and hope that everything will change for better for you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thank you for reading

      Like

  11. your's_Nomison says:

    May God comfort you, as he ponders a solution for you🥺

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thanks for reading

      Liked by 1 person

      1. your's_Nomison says:

        You’re welcome..my heart goes out to you and others who may not have a voice out there.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. DrC says:

    No words! It baffles me beyond imagination when I see this situation play out. Why trap the woman in the first place? My heart goes out to all women going through this 🙏

    Wrote a post that chronicles similar situations and why it’s hard letting go.

    Link here: “Why Letting Go Is Damn Hard”

    https://wp.me/paE2L0-2tz

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Hello Joseyphina,

    I’ve nominated you for the real neat blog award.
    You can see all of it on my last post here – https://ericotrips.wordpress.com/2020/05/21/the-real-neat-blog-award/

    Congratulations!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thank you Emmanuel. Much appreciated.

      Like

      1. You’re very welcome

        Liked by 2 people

  14. I’m sorry about that. It is, unfortunately, more common than we hear about.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Yes it is. Thanks for reading.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes ma’am 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Emmanuel Dipoko says:

    oh Wow , I’m failling to understand the motive behind that

    Liked by 2 people

  16. musanjufu benjamin kavubu says:

    I can’t believe am suggesting divorce on grounds of abandonment

    Like

    1. joseyphina says:

      Lol..sometimes it is the wisest choice

      Liked by 1 person

      1. musanjufu benjamin kavubu says:

        Because that is no longer a legal marriage anymore, meanwhile courtship people have to address such eventualities

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Nukky_rytes says:

    I can’t totally relate to this
    I hope you are doing well. Sending you lots of love, Hope and light.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Daily Cross Walk says:

    May God continue to strengthen you and Grant you more life and peace. Amen

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Amen. God bless you too

      Like

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