Legally Married, Physically Single

Photo credits to Google Images.

You must be wondering what the caption means. How can one be married and single at the same time? Well, it is not that strange where I come from. Lots of women find themselves in this predicament. Want to understand? Stick and stay.

Legally, I’m married but physically and emotionally, I’m as single as ever. I was wedded in a grand traditional style with lots of guests. Little did I know there were too many a witness to my miserable-ever-after. Everyone knew I was taken so I couldn’t risk doing even a little flirting at least. Every wedding guest automatically became a fidelity spy.

I was happily and fully married for just five months until my husband came home one day with the idea of traveling overseas for a greener pasture. I was excited and immediately, images of me walking on snowy pavements wearing some fancy winter wear flashed in my mind. But unfortunately, they all went poof when he added, only he could go…first. He would find a job and settle quickly and then come get me. It didn’t sound that bad so I agreed. I didn’t even have a choice otherwise so all I could do was to wish him well and see him off.

We used to keep in touch regularly for the first month apart but as the days added on, the lesser I heard from him. All I got was his voicemail whenever I tried calling. All my texts and emails were not replied. Then after sometime, what I heard at the other end of the line was that the number no longer existed. I began to worry that something bad had happened to my husband.

Three months soon became three years and here I was, aging way too quickly thanks to loneliness and subtle depression. I remember being so happy getting married because I finally had a ring on my finger so I would not be counted among the ladies who failed to grab a man in their prime years. But looking at me now, what was the point? At least, they could openly make their desperate intentions known to any man who was interested. But for me, the ring which I wore proudly for the first five months after my wedding was now like a chain choking me. Even if I dared to remove them in an attempt to find myself someone to comfort my lonely body and soul, I’d definitely come face-to-face with someone who attended my wedding and the first thing they would check was my ring finger. So after three or four such unlucky encounters, I gave up.

So I returned to being stuck with myself, hoping and praying for him to come back home to me. Then I began to hear stories of immigrant men marrying native women so as to gain residency in foreign countries. My body chilled with fear when I heard them. No, my dear Bobby would never betray me like this. He loved me too much to give me up for a mere residency. Who was I deceiving?

As the years went by, my denial began to fade with them. Within a twinkle of an eye, my beautiful youth that I was so proud of had passed me by and I had done nothing with it but wait for a non-existent husband to return home. His name which I used to say proudly as mine at social functions now brought me anguish and embarrassment whenever it was called out. It didn’t feel like mine anymore.

My long days of waiting for him came to an unexpected end when he called one day to say he was coming home for his father’s funeral. I was so happy! It was rather unfortunate that it had to take a tragedy for him to come back home but what the hell, right? Gosh, how did he look like now?
My jaws dropped in utter disappointment when my eyes fell on the shadow of a figure that he had become. What had happened to him over there? Even if he was scrubbing dishes fifteen hours a day, he shouldn’t be looking like that. Was he the same handsome guy I had married years ago? I couldn’t believe my eyes. After the burial ceremony, I looked forward to discussing our way forward together as a couple estranged for so long. But he dropped yet another bomb with the news that he had to go back to tie up some loose ends and come back home for good. I knew better than to believe that stinking lie. The man I had married was gone and I had to accept that.

So he is gone and yet to come back as he promised and I’m still here, legally married but in every other way, so single. When I was single, all I prayed for was to get married. Now I was but still single in body and soul. Life is funny, isn’t it?