Joseyphina's World

Writing is one thing I passionately love and sharing with you is my greatest joy…

What Was I Thinking? XLIV


A million thoughts raced through my mind as my feet carried me through the corridors. What have I done? What was happening? My mind played back to the moment I felt my whole world crumbling down:
“Maybe I should head home and talk to him,” I said, attempting to get out of the bed.
“No, you shouldn’t. You need to lie down. We have a few tests to conduct to make sure you’re out of danger,” the doctor said.
“But I need to know he is okay.”
“I will; I’ll personally call his number to make sure. Give me his number.” I told him the number. He excused himself out of the ward.
“I think I should be on my way,” Adam said uneasily.
“You think?” Karen said with folded arms.
“The damage has always been done but yeah, you should go. Karen will look after me.”
He nodded and gave my hand a squeeze. He walked away. I sighed.
The doctor came in and his face had grown pale.
“What is it, doctor? Did you get in touch with him?”
“The driver picked up. Apparently, they are on their way back here.”
“Okay…but why do you look so distraught?”
“Your husband was found on the floor, passed out.”
“What happened?”
“I have no idea. I’ll let you know when he gets in. Excuse me.”
“He definitely knows. Oh God, what have I done?”

“Doctor, is he all right?”
“The primary conclusion the cardiologist has given is that your husband suffered a heart attack.”
“I don’t understand. Fitz is the healthiest man I know. He eats right and he exercises whenever he has the time. How could he have a heart attack?”
“Sometimes emotional trauma could cause it too,” the doctor replied giving me a cold stare. I swallowed.
“Is he going to be fine?”
“We’re doing everything in our power. But I have to go now,” he walked away.
“Have a seat before you pass out yourself,” Karen urged. We sat down.
“Oh my God, he knows for sure.”
“If he doesn’t, we’d have to tell him sooner than later. It is obvious that it’s the fear of him finding out that is causing you and your baby such distress.”
“He’s never going to forgive me.” I sniffed, fighting back the tears threatening to fall.
“You don’t know that.”
“He pointed a gun at me, Karen.”
“It was just a dream, Emily.”
“A dream which is playing out in reality. What am I going to do?”
“We’ll take one step at a time. Don’t worry about that now. Let’s just pray Fitz wakes up.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“Ah well…”
We both fell silent. A well-dressed woman walked past us towards the counter and made an inquiry. I sat up when the nurse pointed to me. The lady approached us.
“Good day; you must be Fitz Daniels’ new wife.”
“I am. And who are you?” She offered her hand.
“I’m Lizzy; Lizzy Daniels.” I took it, gave it a brief shake and let go.
“A relative?” She smiled.
“His wife; sorry, his ex-wife.” I could only stare back in reply.
“So why are you here?” Karen asked.
“Some way somehow, Fitz kept me as he emergency contact. I wonder why.”
Karen and I shared a confused look.
“I’m sure he forgot to change it,” Karen replied.
“Seems so. You’re pregnant.” I gave her a puzzled look.
“Is that a question?” I retorted. I had a feeling she wasn’t likeable.
“Oh I’m sorry. I’m just shocked. I just wonder how that’s possible since it was the main reason we separated.”
“I don’t understand,” I said.
“Fitz is sterile.” Karen and I shared another look. So Adam was right after all.
She gave an aha smile. “It’s not his, is it?”
“Okay lady, it’s unfortunate that you had to come all the way here but as you can see, Fitz already has someone here to attend to him,” Karen said.
“I don’t mean to overstep but since I was called to be here, I’m going to stay till he asks me to do otherwise,” she said with a sly smile.
“Suit yourself.” She gave me another once-over.
“Amazing; we’ve been in touch but he never once mentioned you were pregnant. I wonder why.”
“I’m really not in the chit-chatting mood so if you could make yourself comfortable somewhere else, I’d appreciate it,” I said, my stare turning icy cold.
“Sure. Nice to meet you…?”
“Mrs. Daniels will do,” I replied.
“Right. I’ll sit over there.” She could go and sit on the moon for all I cared.
She walked away and I rolled my eyes.
“What the hell? After months of being married, he still kept his ex-wife’s number as his emergency contact?” Karen asked.
“It seems I wasn’t the only one leading a double life.”
“Do you even know if he changed his will after he married you?”
“Why bring up this issue again, Karen? Fitz isn’t going to die.”
“Oh it’s about time we talked about this, Em. His wife has appeared by his could-be deathbed. Who knows, she might stand to inherit everything!”
“I doubt it.”
“Well, I don’t. You are pregnant for goodness’ sake.”
“It is not even his child, Karen.”
“Exactly my point! That’s a secret Fitz should take to his grave if it comes to that.”
“Fitz isn’t going anywhere!”
“Emily, she might be just an ex-wife but the fact that they still keep in touch makes her a threat.”
“I have my own burdens right now; I’m not going to add her to the pile.”
“I’d suggest you put her on the priority list, Em. Look at the smirk on her face. She looks like she has a stake in whatever happens to Fitz.”
“And maybe she does.”
“No, she doesn’t. You’re Mrs. Daniels and you’re carrying his heir. She let him go and that’s her loss. Don’t give her the impression that she is still a part of Fitz’s life.”
“Well, it seems she always has been. Wait, are they divorced?”
“Well, she mentioned that they were…”
“Separated, yes but that doesn’t necessarily mean divorced, right?”
“If they weren’t, he wouldn’t have been able to marry you, Emily.”
“How sure are you about that?”
“You didn’t ask the right questions before you got married.”
“Uh huh…you have no idea how I regret that now.” I buried my face in my palms.

Karen and I got up when the doctor came out.
“He’s in a coma.” I touched my chest in shock.
“Is it good news or bad news?” Lizzy asked.
“Excuse me, who are you?” he asked.
“I’m Lizzy; Fitz’s ex-wife. A nurse asked me to come. I’m still his emergency contact.”
“He just forgot to update that,” Karen said.
“He will be fine; nothing out of our control.”
“When is he expected to wake up?” I asked.
“We hope sooner than later. So you sit tight; we’ll update you if anything changes.”
“Thanks, doctor.” We turned back towards our seats when Lizzy spoke up.
“You look exhausted. Why don’t you go home and take a nap? I don’t mind waiting here. Then maybe I’d leave when you get back.”
“No, thank you. Fitz is my husband and I’m not leaving his side till he wakes up.”
“All right, then.” She went to sit down.
“Okay, Fitz better wake up soon,” I said as we sat down.
“I’m with you there. The longer he stays under, the longer she lingers around. And she has already irritated me enough. Another day with her around will definitely drive me crazy,” Karen said.

Karen nudged me awake and gestured at me to look at Lizzy. She had just hugged an older looking man and pointed at me.
“Who is that man?”
“I have no idea.” They both walked towards us.
“Mrs. Daniels, I don’t think we haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet,” he said, offering his hand.
“No, we haven’t.”
“Well I’m Donald Quayson, Fitz’s lawyer.” I stood.
“Okay…why are you here?”
“Well, Fitz and I were supposed to have a meeting but he didn’t show. I was worried since Fitz never bails out of a meeting without an explanation. So I had to rush here when Lizzy called to tell me the bad news.”
“Why would you call him?” I asked her. This woman was working my nerves and I wasn’t in the mood to create a scene.
“Well, Fitz is in a coma. Who knows what could happen? I thought it would be better…”
“Next time keep your thoughts to yourself, Lisa.”
“It’s Lizzy,” she corrected.
“I don’t care if you’re the misplaced twin of Queen Elizabeth but I don’t need you butting your nose into matters that no longer concern you.”
“Oh Fitz’s well-being does concern me and he has assured me that he won’t forget me in his will if he…”
“Oh really?”
“I’m sorry if this is such a big revelation to you. We should have met on much happier circumstances but it is what it is. I called Don because we two go way back,” Lizzy said.
“I bet; you calling him by the first name and all that. But you don’t intimidate me, Liz. My present condition doesn’t permit me to…”
“It’s not Fitz’s, is it?” She asked bluntly. My eyes widened at her brusqueness.
“She is Fitz’s wife and any child conceived to his knowledge is Fitz’s child,” Karen replied.
“Okay…things are getting heated here. I advise we all calm down,” Mr. Quayson.
“I will calm down if Miss Ex-Wife over here leaves this premises,” I said.
“I am not going anywhere.”
“You don’t have any business here.”
“The nurse who called me here didn’t think so.”
“Lizzy, I think we should go. You can come and see him when he wakes up,” he said.
“The voice of reason has spoken,” Karen said. Lizzy scowled.
“Is that okay?”
“Fine.” She put on a plastic smile. “It was a pleasure meeting you.”
“I wish I could say the same.”
“Have a nice day, ladies,” the lawyer said and they walked away. We both sat down and sighed.
“I can’t believe Fitz was married to such a woman.”
“Well I’m glad she’s his past,” Karen said.
“Glad? This past is invading the present and I don’t like how it redefines the future,” I said.
“Fitz better wake up today,” Karen said. It was the only prayer in my head.

A Person of Influence

One of Ghana’s finest! :)

Influence seems to the main driving force in today’s world. One does not necessarily need to be a political leader to wield influence. A Google search for instance would reveal people from different spheres including technology, the arts, sports and entertainment. Both the young and old alike look up to such persons for inspiration and with admiration.
The picture painted by the world of an influential person is someone who sits comfortably in his seat, at the head of the table making world-changing decisions with everyone at his beck and call.

The youth of today (most of them, I presume) want to make a difference in their worlds. They want their statements to be remembered as quotes in years to come. It is a noble aspiration but one doesn’t have to be a CEO of a multinational multi-million dollar company to be tagged as influential. You don’t need to have a Wikipedia profile to be influential in your society. Many of the so-called celebrities in our century are rather infamous for the wild and loose living, multiple short-lived marriages and countless scandals.

One often ignored but relevant role an influential person should play is to serve. The impact a person has on another is greater when he is seen serving the needs of others. Sometimes, the ‘influential’ people we know and respect so much for their brilliant ideas, actually receive their ideas from people who serve them. But because they are usually behind the scenes, they don’t get to take the credit for them. But at least, they feel satisfied knowing that they are helping to build up someone’s reputation.

So if you want to be influential, you can be it without waiting to get wealthy or popular first. You just require a heart ready to serve. You don’t need thousands of followers on Twitter and likes on your Facebook page to spur you on first. Whatever it is that you can do, do it out of a diligent heart. Your reward will definitely come. A perfect example is Jesus whose life, death and resurrection have and continue to impart millions of lives around the globe. He demonstrated the need to serve by washing his disciples’ feet.

If you’re indeed influential, whose feet are you washing today?

What Was I Thinking? XLIII


“You lied to me. You betrayed me. All I did was love you…despite the doubts and suspicions planted in my head from colleagues, I chose to trust you and you betrayed me. I chose to forgive you for your infidelity but this is the last straw. I could forgive you for everything else even it meant you bankrupting me. But for treating me like a fool, I can’t and I won’t,” He said, raising his trembling hand and pointing his gun at her.
“Fitz, please….don’t do this. I’m sor…” The shot was fired.

I woke up with a frightened scream. I felt goose bumps all over my body and I was shaking all over. I touched my forehead and felt beads of sweat. My heart was racing and I was out of breath. I touched the sides of my head as I could hear the pounding of my heart resonating there as well. I looked at my side and Fitz was gone. He must have left early for work. I sighed.
I dragged myself out of bed and splashed water on my face. I stared at myself in the mirror and muttered, “What have you done to yourself, Emily?”
I groaned when I felt a sharp pain in my tummy.
“What the hell?!” I asked no one in particular when the pain had subsided. I grabbed the sink tightly for support. What was happening? Panic was rising within me but I wasn’t going to let it get the better part of me. I was stronger than that.
I checked my phone and there was the usual checkup text from Karen. I replied and lay down.
When I woke up, it was past eleven. Took my shower, ate breakfast and settled myself in front of the computer in the study room. Karen had asked me to do the online course registration and I was glad to find myself useful even though the task would take less than half an hour. I arched a brow whiles skimming through the courses. Some of the titles reeked of loads of work and long boring lectures. Whew, can’t wait to put all this behind me, I thought as I started clicking on the courses.
“Done, done and done,” I said with the last three clicks. I smiled proudly as if I had just saved the world from a catastrophe. This is what boredom and idleness does to you. You register for school courses and you feel heroic.
I was about getting up from the chair when my phone rang. Oh, it’s my sweet, caring baby daddy.
“Hello,” I said sweetly.
“Hi love; how are you feeling today?”
“Great. Feeling a little bored but I’m great.”
“Oh really? Then you wouldn’t mind helping me out with a song. That should keep you busy.”
“Help you how?”
“I’m going to send you a demo of my recent work. You take a listen and try and refine the lyrics for me.”
“Refine? I’m no songwriter, Adam.”
“But you are; in your special way, you are. And let me know what you think.”
“What’s in it for me?”
“Oh she wants a reward…let’s see…what do you want?”
“I don’t know…surprise me.” Adam chuckled.
“I will. How’s the little one?”
“It’s fine.”
“Hope you both slept well last night.”
“Yes, we…” Flashes of the nightmare I had in the morning came to mind. I groaned when that same sharp pain slashed through me.
“Emily, are you okay?”
“Yeah, just felt something. I’ll be fine.”
“Was it the baby kicking?” I hadn’t even thought of that. But it wouldn’t hurt this bad, would it?
“Can’t tell for sure.”
“If the pain is really uncomfortable, get the driver to take you to the hospital and call me. I’ll meet you there.”
“Okay. Send me your demo.”
“Hope you like it.”
“I always do.” I ended the call.

“You lied to me. You betrayed me. All I did was love you…” My heart missed a beat. Why did that dream feel so real and why was it haunting her? Were her days being numbered?
“Aaaarrrrrgghhh…” This certainly didn’t feel like fetal kicks. Before I could fully recover from that inner assault, another sharp pang hit me. Tears gathered in my eyes and I lost my breath. I fumbled for my phone. I succeeded in calling the driver to get the car ready. The interval between the pangs were diminishing fast. I struggled to get up and then walk downstairs. The driver must have sensed the distress in my voice because he came inside and helped me into the car.
When I had recovered a little, I called Adam.
“The pain is getting too much so I’m going to the hospital.”
“I’ll meet you there.” The call ended. Then I called Karen.
“Hey…was just about to call you. How are you holding up?” I told her my latest misery.
“Should I come over to the hospital?”
“But you have to be at work, don’t you?”
“Come on, this is an emergency. And besides, this is my last week here. I can just ask for permission and come be with you. We are in this together, remember?”
“All right; I’ll see you there.” I ended the call.
There was one last person to call; perhaps should have been the first but just when I touched the screen, another slashing pain seized me and I dropped the phone.
God, please don’t let me die like this.

By the time we arrived at the hospital, I felt like I was dying.
“Have you called your husband?” The driver asked as he killed the engine. I shook my head, breathing heavily.
“Should I call him?” I nodded.
“Help me inside first.”

I opened my eyes weakly.
“Hey…you’re awake. How are you feeling?” Adam asked.
“Much better,” I said faintly. I turned my neck, expecting to see Karen.
“She stepped out to get some water.”
“I’m thirsty.”
“Thank God, Karen is coming with some.”
“Hey…you’re alive! I’d have been mad at you if you had left without saying goodbye to me first.” I smiled weakly. Adam gave me some water to sip.
“What did the doctor say?” I asked them.
“Well, nothing yet. He said he’d wait for your husband to arrive first. But now that you’ve come to, I’m sure he’ll spill.”
“Yeah, please let him know I’m awake.”
“Of course.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and walked away.
“You gave me the scare of my life when I saw you on the hospital bed like that. What do you think could be the problem?”
“I don’t know. It started just this morning after I had this nightmare about Fitz about to shoot me.”
“What, why?”
“You know why.”
“Maybe we should confess.”
“You think it’s a warning, huh?” Karen nodded, biting her lip. I sighed. Adam rejoined us.
“A nurse told me he went to check up on another patient. So I left a message with her to let him know you’ve come around.”

“How much pain was she in when you were bringing her here?” Fitz asked his driver.
“Quite a lot, it seems but she was quickly attended to when the hospital staff took over.”
“Good.” Fitz walked to the counter and inquired about his wife.
“Are you her husband?”
“I am; are you the doctor attending to her?”
“I am. Come with me; I’ll take you to her.”
“Thanks, doctor. What happened to her?”
“Still trying to diagnose that. The fetus was in distress.”

“Have you called Fitz? Does he know you’re here?” Karen asked me.
“Yeah, the driver called him, I think.”
“Whoa, then I probably shouldn’t be here,” Adam said.
“Yeah, you might be right. He might come in anytime from now.” I held his hand. I saw his face lose its glow.
“I’m sorry that you can’t be my side when it is your right to be. I promise to take care of myself and our child.” Adam’s hand glossed over my tummy.
“Let me know when you get out of here.”
“I will,” I assured him.
“I so wish I could share such moments with you and our baby.”
“I know.” He leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

Fitz froze in his tracks at who and what he just saw. His throat suddenly felt dry.
“Let’s go in. Your wife’s bed is just here.” Instead of taking a step forward, he took two backwards.
“Is there anything wrong, sir?”
“Who is that guy beside her?”
“I don’t know…seems pretty close to her. A good friend or a cousin perhaps?” Fitz nodded.
“You know what, why don’t you go in and take care of her? I’ll come back and see her.”
“You’re sure? If you want to be alone with her, I could ask her friends to excuse you.”
“Oh no. It’s okay. Just take care of her,” Fitz said and turned to leave.

“The doctor is here,” Adam said. He approached us.
“How are you feeling?”
“Much better, thank you. What is happening to me?”
“You seem fine; all test results came out fine. But your baby seemed to be in great distress when you arrived.”
“Is something going on at home?”
“No, everything is fine. Why do you ask?”
“Well, your husband just left.” We all turned to gaze at the door.
“What do you mean, he left?”
“Oh my God, he saw me,” Adam muttered.
“He said he’d come back.”
“You mean, he turned back and left without seeing me?”
“Please don’t get excited. You need to keep calm so your baby can do same. I suggest you have a little rest.”
“Thanks, doctor,” Karen said. He nodded and walked away.
“Why would he…?” I asked, my voice shaking.
“This is my fault. I should have left earlier,” Adam said.
“You shouldn’t have been here at all,” Karen said in an accusatory tone.
“Hey! It’s my baby inside her. I have every right to be here.”
“No, it’s not. Technically and legally I’m sure, it’s Fitz’s.”
“Enough, you two! This is not the time nor place. Please get me my phone.”

Fitz glanced at his phone that had begun to ring. He ignored it and stepped harder on the accelerator.
“He’s not picking up. Oh God, what did he see?”
“Nothing short of Mr. Romantic over here touching your tummy and kissing your forehead, I’m sure,” Karen said flatly. Adam glared at her. She glared back.
I tried his number again.

Fitz entered his house pumped up in hot rage. He walked straight to the bar and poured himself a stiff drink. He downed it all in one gulp and landed the glass down sharply. Not satisfied, he poured himself another one and downed it in one go.
She lied to me. They both did. Took me for a fool. This happened under my very nose but I was so blind I couldn’t see it. How could I not? I can’t believe I allowed a little girl to fool me like this, he thought bitterly as he gulped another glass down. He could imagine them laughing at him.
He paused when he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He clutched his chest and groaned. Before he knew what was going on, he was on the floor. He was going to die; after everything he had been through, it had to take a young woman like Emily to end his life.
“Fitz, please pick up, please pick up,” I muttered fervently like a prayer.
“Emily…” was the last word he breathed out before darkness engulfed him.

What Was I Thinking? XLII


“You’re fine; nothing is wrong with the baby.”
“You’re sure because usually, when you see blood it’s a sign of…”
“A miscarriage, I know; it happens sometimes although rare. You and the baby are in good condition. You do need to come back for a checkup though.”
I nodded.
“Could it be…a reaction to something?” Fitz asked the obstetrician. He gave me a nervous glance which I ignored.
“Not exactly; but it is important that she doesn’t engage in anything stressful. She’d need all the support you can offer her.”
“I’ll do that. Thanks, doctor.”
“You’re very much welcome, Mr. Daniels.” They shook hands and we got up.
“See you soon, doctor,” I said and we left his office.
Fitz attempted touching my waist but I brushed his hand aside and he got the message that I was still mad at him. When we got to the car, he opened the door for me. He offered to help me sit inside, this time I didn’t refuse but I still kept my ‘mad’ look on.

The tensed air in the car was sizzling.
“I’m sorry for what I said earlier.” I chose to ignore him.
“I don’t know for sure but if my poor choice of words caused you to react the way you did, I’m deeply sorry.” I concentrated on the fleeting things I saw outside. Fitz gave up and kept quiet. Finally.
When we arrived home, I went straight to the bathroom and soaked myself in the tub. I was relaxing away my woes when I heard familiar footsteps. I ignored him when he cleared his throat.
“How are you feeling now?”
“Much better a few seconds ago,” I replied with my eyes closed.
“Can I at least have a peaceful night to myself? We’ll deal with your security issues tomorrow. Is that okay?!” I asked, giving him one of my ‘don’t-bother-me’ glares. He nodded.
“Goodnight then.” He turned to go.
“And I’d appreciate it if you slept in the guest room tonight. Thank you!” I said and closed my eyes. I could feel the heat of his gaze on me but I could care less. I heard his departing footsteps and I smiled in content.
When I had pampered my body to my heart’s content, I got out of the tub and prepared myself some tea. I tried calling Karen’s number but she didn’t pick up. So I sent her a text which I knew would swell up her heart when she read the following morning: HE KNOWS. I dropped the phone and sighed, brushing my palms down my face.
And since the more the merrier, why not share the anxiety? I picked up my phone and sent the same text to Adam. This should ruin his day, I thought in amusement.
I was far away in dreamland when the shrill sound of my ringtone brought me back to reality. I groaned as I searched sleepily for my phone.
“Fitz knows? How come? What did he say?!” I was lost for a moment and then I remembered sending her the message. Judging from how she had rudely interrupted my sleep, I knew I had made a mistake. I sat up and yawned.
“We need to sit down and talk about this, Karen. Should we meet after your work hours?”
“Today is a holiday, remember? We can meet in a few hours.” I could hear the intense anxiety in my best friend’s voice. I felt sorry for putting her in such a state. I rubbed my eyes and stifled another yawn.
“Sure…let’s meet at our usual spot at 11. Is that okay?”
“Eleven? Am I the only one sensing the urgency of this situation? I think we should meet at nine.”
“Come on Karen; an expecting mother needs her beauty sleep.”
“What else have you been doing for months now? Get up and enter the shower now!”
“Okay…let’s meet halfway. 10 o’clock.”
“Fine by me. See you,” Karen said and hung up. I sighed and fell back on my pillow. Before I could rewind my body to the second before the phone call came, the door opened. I opened an eye to see the intruder.
“Good morning. I would have taken my shower in the guest bathroom but I have my toiletries here.”
“It’s okay; no need to explain. Just don’t sing in the shower,” I said as I turned on my side and tried to sleep,
“Good morning to you too,” Fitz said in a failed attempt at a whisper and entered the bathroom.
I was reading the commentary of the day on the Our Daily Bread app of my phone when Fitz came out of the bathroom. He quietly dressed up and then walked to me. I lifted my head when I felt his shadow upon me.
“Could you button up my wrists?” I put my phone down and did them.
“Thank you.”
He checked himself in the mirror and turned to face me.
“Again, I want to apologize for…”
“Let it go, Fitz. It wasn’t your fault. And I’m feeling better so don’t worry about me.”
“Okay.” He kissed me on the forehead.
“I’ll see you in the evening.” When he got to the door, I asked, “So when should I expect Adam here for the million-dollar question?” He glanced at me without saying anything and walked out. I rolled my eyes and they landed on my phone.
Oh man, I’ve not even started my day and I’ve already sinned. Father forgive me, I prayed and took my phone to continue my reading.

Adam paused in front of Fitz’s office door. He exhaled anxiously. His phone beeped.
Thank God, finally, his network was working. He looked at the screen. A message from Emily. He opened it: HE KNOWS. His heart sunk. His throat suddenly felt dry. He licked his lower lip anxiously.
“You may go in,” the secretary said. He nodded and entered the office.
“Good day, Mr. Daniels.”
“Good day, Adam. Have a seat.” He sat.

“I think this is God punishing me,” I said regrettably.
“Why do you say that?” Karen asked, slurping her cocktail.
“How else do I explain this? It wasn’t as if I had a slip of tongue and said damaging. He had a dream, Karen! A dream! He found out about Adam and I in a dream. Who else could do this if not Him? And I invited him to church and the preacher spoke of honesty between couples which gave him more ground to question me. For once, I thought I had done something right by taking Fitz to church with me. Little did I know that it was all part of God’s big plan to expose me. I can’t believe God used me to expose me. How ironic is that?”
“So what did Fitz say?”
“He threatened to confront Adam about it.”
“Oh wow…what did you say?”
“What could I possibly say? But there was a divine intervention which saved me.”
“Divine, huh?”
“Yeah, God realized that if He didn’t do something, I would be doomed.”
“We thank God for His intervention then. Have you given Adams a heads up?”
“I sent him a text last night but I haven’t heard from him. I’m shocked because I was expecting an anxious call from him this morning too.”
“Tell him to meet us here,” Karen said. I sent him a text.

Adam’s phone beeped. He stole a glance at the screen. It was Emily. He looked up back at Fitz who was watching him coolly.
“I’m sorry for the interruption,” he apologized. Fitz gave him a knowing smile.
“Your girlfriend?”
“Bernice, right? Send her my regards.”
“Will do that.”
“Okay, I think that will be all for now.”
“Yes sir; then I’ll be on my way.” He got up.
“You know how much I admire your talent Adam and how I’ve opened the doors to my home to you.” Adam swallowed. This was it.
“Yes sir.”
“I don’t mind sharing everything I have with you. I know I asked you to be friends with my wife and I appreciate how close you two have become. But I also trust you not to cross the line. I hope you understand what I mean.”
“Yes sir; I’ll never do anything inappropriate with Emily.”
“Good. And if something mistakenly has happened already, you’d let me know, right?” Adam hesitated.
“Honestly, I wouldn’t want to come between you and your wife.”
“Are you implying you’d keep any act of indiscretion from me?”
“No, not necessarily. I’m just saying that I wouldn’t even allow it in the first place.”
Fitz stared at him for a moment but to Adam, it seemed like forever. His eyes seemed to stare into his very soul.
“I believe you. Have a nice day, Adam.”
“You too, sir.” He scurried out of the office. He sighed deeply after he had closed the door behind him. He read the message from Emily. What did he do to her, he thought worriedly as he walked out of the premises.
“So what was this divine intervention exactly?” Adam asked.
“I was bleeding.”
“What?” both Karen and Adam shouted so loud that I winced.
“Why didn’t you tell me when we started talking?” Karen asked.
“I didn’t want to have a double session of the screaming part. But the doctor said I’m fine so you can all chill.”
“You started to bleed just when Fitz began questioning you? That’s serious.”
“I’m fine; please don’t make a big deal out of it. If it hadn’t happened, Adam would have been summoned to the house last night and who knows how that would have turned out?”
“So right now that he suspects, what do we do?”
“Keep a low profile. Act normal. I think he’s freaking out because I’d be giving birth soon and he has no idea who the baby would look like. “
“Well, that could be a problem because my genes are kind of strong,” Adam said.
“What do you mean by strong?” I asked.
“My features could be pretty dominant.”
“As in ‘plainly-obvious-that-the-baby-is-yours’ dominant?” I asked.
“Well, I am told I was the perfect replica of my dad at birth.”
“Well, let’s just hope it’s a girl then. Maybe she’ll look more like me.”
“Wishful thinking. Why bother about things that are out of our control when there are other things that we can manage?” Karen asked.
“Like what?”
“How about coming clean to Fitz?” I stared at her as if she had just gone mad.
“What? That’s certainly not an option!” I cried out hysterically.
“Why not? Fitz has proven himself to be a reasonable guy. Who knows, he might be glad.”
“Oh no, that ship has sailed. I blatantly denied that in his face yesterday.”
“Yeah, I told him today I had never and won’t ever cross any line with his wife,” Adam added.
“Can you imagine how silly we’d look if we suddenly confessed?”
“I think Fitz is giving you enough time and space to make up your mind. Remember when he left town expecting you to terminate the pregnancy?”
“I can’t. My plan is perfect. If we all play our part well, this will blow over and we’ll be fine,” I said adamantly.
“I’m ready to confess though,” Adam said.
“Well, I’m not and I better not hear that again. This talk is getting me exhausted.”
“Your husband mentioned about getting your papers ready. You’d get all the rest you want,” Adam said.
“He said that? I told him I didn’t want to go. I want to finish my schooling without any pauses.”
“You’re not going to defer?” Karen asked.
“No, I’m not. I’ll be fine. He wants to send me away.”
“If that’s going to save your marriage in the end, then it’s great.” I glared at her.
“We stick to the plan. That’s the only option for me.”

What Was I Thinking? XLI


“Darling, Adam has something to tell you.”
“Oh yeah, what is it?” Adam turned to face him.
“Since you call me family, I thought it would be cute if you named your baby Adam.”
“That’s nice. I’ll definitely consider it.” His phone rang.
“Excuse me,” he said and turned to leave the kitchen. He heard them both giggling.
“The baby is officially registered,” he overheard Adam’s whisper. When he turned back, Adam was facing his wife and couldn’t see her face.
“Uh huh.” He saw Adam’s hand on her tummy.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m talking to my baby,” Adam replied with a smirk.
“What?!” She laughed out loud.

Fitz woke up with a start. His heart was racing as if he had just run a thousand miles. I opened my eyes to find him awake, his chest heaving with each breath. I sat up.
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked, touching his arm. He glanced at me and I saw a strange look in his eyes. I cowered a little.
“Yes I am. Just a bad dream, I guess,” and with that, he got out of bed. He entered the bathroom and opened the tap and splashed water on his face. He stared at himself in the mirror.
I walked to the bathroom door and placed my ear on it.
“Honey, are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, Emily; go back to bed.” I walked back to the bed and sat down. I rubbed my bulging tummy and sighed. The ‘push! push!’ day was drawing nearer and nearer. I had tried not to think about it but recently, the harder I tried to push those thoughts away, the harder they bounced back. I had heard people say that the labor period was a thin line between life and death. Was I ready to enter that ward knowing what a sham my life was? I needed to go to church.
Fitz came out of the bathroom and he looked like he had been to hell and back. I got up and walked to him.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“You don’t have anything to do this morning, do you?”
“Not exactly; why?”
“Can we go to church…together?”
“Why, is there something you need to confess?” he spat out, walking away. He sat down. I turned to look at him.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing; I didn’t wake up right, I guess.”
“Uh huh, and I woke up to a grumpy Fitz this morning; just what I need to start my day.” I entered the bathroom.

I noticed Fitz watching me in the dressing mirror.
“So you’re serious about going to church?”
“Hey…I’ve always been a church girl. My parents are Christians. It is you who hasn’t urged me to go these days.”
“Yeah right; wait up for me,” Fitz said as he got up.
“You’re coming with me?”
“Uh huh.” He entered the bathroom.
“I’ll prepare us some breakfast.”

I cleared the table when we were done eating. Fitz checked his watch.
“Aren’t we late?”
“Don’t worry; we’ll make it to the second service.” His phone rang. He glanced at me.
“Don’t even think about it, Fitz.”
“Just one call.”
“Oh no.” I snatched his phone away and put it off.
“Your business will survive without your phone call for the next four hours.”
“Four? Is the service going to be that long?” I laughed.
“No, it’s not. Just pulling your legs.” He pulled me close and kissed my tummy.
“The baby will soon be out. Are you ready for it?”
“Are you?”
“I am; the real work begins when it makes its first cry.”
“I know. It’s the thought of labor that freaks me out. Do you know how women don’t make it out of the labor ward?”
“Shush…don’t entertain such dreary thoughts, honey. Don’t worry about that, you’ll get the best of medical attention; I’ll make sure of that.”
“Oh thank you honey; I know I can always count on you to have my back.”
“You bet. Speaking of it, I’ll have to start getting your papers ready.”
“For your travel out of your country. You do want to give birth abroad, right?”
“Yeah but what about school?”
“I figured you’d defer.”
“Defer? What makes you think that?”
“Because I didn’t pick you to be the type to wander on campus with your baby bump.”
“But if I defer and Karen graduates, I’ll be left all alone. How do you expect me to cope with my studies? Karen is my study anchor!”
“Okay, I know there will be some adjustments to be made but I do think deferring is the best option here.”
“I’m not deferring,” I said with a tone of finality.
“Okay fine. Let’s be on our way then.”
In the car, Fitz gave me a sideways glance and I smiled back. I placed his hand on my tummy. For a moment, I saw a pained expression flash across his face. But it was gone as suddenly as it appeared. Something was wrong and I had to find out what, I made a mental note.
Church was amazing. I don’t know if it was because it had been a while since I had been there but I felt like I was back home…where I belonged. And from the look on Fitz’s face, he felt satisfied as well. I knew I had done something right for once.
Listening to the choir sing, I couldn’t help but recall those days when I’d sing with the children’s choir during children’s special service. I had dreamed of becoming a lead singer when I was old enough. I shook my head at the thought of that now.

“So how was church for you?” I asked on our way home.
“Very uplifting. I enjoyed every minute. And I liked what the preacher said about couples being honest with each other. And that the secrets they hide from each other with the intention on sparing their partners of hurt could be the very thing that could break them apart. It is always better to tell your partner the truth before it rears its head in an ugly way.”
“Uh huh; he was on point there.”
“So, is there anything you would want to come clean about?”
I gave him a quizzical look. This was the second time he had asked me that. What was he thinking?
“Are you implying that I’m keeping something away from you?”
“Are you?” He threw the question back to me.
“No, I’m not. What is going on with you, Fitz? Is it the baby? Are you skeptical about whose it might be because it would soon come out and it might look like someone you know?” I asked. He looked at me and swallowed.
“Fitz, I assure you I don’t know who the father is and even if the father knows I’m pregnant, he wouldn’t be interested in it anyway. I’m sorry our first baby isn’t your biological child and I’m deeply grateful that you took us in anyway. But we’ll make our own baby and our joy will be complete. But please don’t punish yourself with such thoughts, okay?” He nodded and concentrated on his driving.
Why was this suddenly bothering him? Oh God, please don’t let this baby be a replica of Adam or else I’m dead! I prayed in thought.

After lunch, we sat down to listen to BBC news. I got up when I felt the urge to visit the bathroom. When I was almost out of the room, Fitz spoke.
“I had quite a disturbing dream this morning. I’m not a dreamer so whenever I do dream and it haunts me throughout the day, I tend not to take it lightly.” I turned to face him.
“And let me guess, you dreamt about the baby. Tell me, who did it look like? One of your business associates?”
“Drop the attitude, Em. I’m going to ask you one thing, Emily; and I’m only going to ask this once. And I expect you to be honest with me. The preacher said it’s healthy to…”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah….whatever. Spill it out already!”
“Do you…or should I say did you and Adam ever have a thing?” I steeled myself so he wouldn’t notice how shaken up I was by his question. He had almost hit the nail on the head and the sound was still echoing in my head.
“Where is this coming from? Because of the message you read on my phone?” I was getting tired of having this conversation over and over again.
“You haven’t answered me.”
“I’m not going to dignify such an insulting question with an answer.” I turned to leave.
“Aren’t you ask me what the dream was about?”
“Does it matter? Whatever it was, it is contrary to reality. So I won’t entertain it.”
“Do you remember the day when Adam made that request of us naming the child after him?”
“Uh huh, what about it?”
“Why do you think he’d ask that?”
“Because he wanted to be funny, I don’t know! Wait, do you think he is…come on, Fitz, what do you take me for?”
“Well, is he?”
“Is he what?” We both stared at each other, no one wanting to be the one to breathe out the dreaded word.
“You’re unbelievable.” I turned and started to walk away.
“So you wouldn’t mind if I asked him?”
“And why would you want to create such an awkward situation for all of us? What do you intend to get out of that?”
“I want to look him in the eye when he answers me.”
“I understand if you don’t trust me but Adam, seriously?” You know what, do whatever you want. I can see you won’t have a good night sleep if you don’t get this off your chest so suit yourself.”
“Fine; I’ll call him here.” I walked out of the room before I could hear anymore. I was panting by the time I got to the bathroom. What did she do wrong? Everything was on track or so she thought. Or maybe it was just a dream. She’d wake up before it got to the worst part. But what if it wasn’t? She wasn’t going to wait to find out.

I sat down on the seat of the water closet and sighed. This was the time I had to manufacture some serious tears to render Fitz guilty for the rest of his life. I felt something moist between my thighs so I touched my thigh and brought out my hand. My fingers trembled.
I screamed.

My dad is a Police Officer

Serving your country is an ideal inculcated in us when growing up. We are told that such a selfless act of sacrifice would help make our world a better place. So we look at civil servants in their star studded uniforms in admiration while daydreaming of when we would grow up and take their place.

Erm…not where I come from. That may be the honest dream of a Western youth but definitely not in Africa. Maybe it was an honourable institution before my time but whenever it is mentioned, people literally spit on it. The household name for our dear policemen is the “beggars in uniform.” You find them well dressed early in the morning ready to do their ‘routine checks But everyone knows why they are really by the road. You ask a six year old child what he thinks of the police officer and his view is not any different from that of the forty year old.

They are supposed to keep us safe, right?

In their defence, these public officers would say they have lost respect in the eyes of the youth because of the massive badmouthing they have been subjected to by the elderly. But who can blame them? The younger generation doesn’t even need their elders to brainwash them. They witness this pathetic situation under the guise of ‘checking for relevant documents’ almost every morning.

This is not to say that the whole lot are rotten but as the saying goes, one bad nut spoils the soup. And in this case, the nuts are more than one and they have left a bitter aftertaste in the mouth of Ghanaians. Most commercial drivers complain of being robbed in plain sight but who can they tell of their grievances when the appropriate officers are the very ones robbing them? I have heard about three drivers complain bitterly about being ‘searched’ at two different checkpoints one morning. And since they don’t give any tickets, these drivers have no means of convincing the next officer at the next check point that he had already been checked. They tend to lose lots of money before they even start business for the day.

Photo credits to Google Images.

When kids are asked what they would want to be one day, the police get lost in the list. Teachers have a relatively higher chance of being mentioned than they do. I wonder how they feel when they look at themselves in the mirror whiles putting on their supposed-to-be uniform of pride. Do they think for a moment how the passengers in a bus for instance regard them as they look on whiles they do their ‘check up?’ My best guess is that they could care less.

I don’t know how I’d feel if my dad was a police officer knowing the horrible stereotype surrounding the profession. When my colleagues talk of their parents with such admiration, could I also do same? When other countries hail their officers for their honest hard work, what do we find here? Could this bad image be repainted in our time or shall it remain a lost cause forever?

The One Who Stayed

Photo credits to Google Images

People have a whole lot of theories about abusive relationships. I used to have a few presumptions myself. I used to wonder why a woman would continue to wake up each morning beside the type who prefers to use vulnerable women as boxing bout rehearsals. But I guess life has taught me that, in a world where people believe the only colours that matter are black and white, the shades of grey which exist in between hold all the cards.

My father was not the neglectful type; but he wasn’t the pampering sort either. I grew up with my own twisted perceptions about men and relationships and that kind of shielded me from unnecessary youthful heartbreaks. My mother always advised me not to rush into any commitment; at the right time, I would find the one. And the one I found, not the fairy tale version but I found him.
Kobe was not a bad guy. At least I don’t think he is. He was just as flawed as everyone else. He was manly in all facets and I loved that about him; perhaps that’s why I couldn’t let go of him. I wouldn’t call him a control freak; but he liked to in charge of everything; another trait I found admirable. As long as I complied which boosted his ego, all was well.
It all started when he was laid off from work; then subsequently his self esteem along with his self control. I knew how hard it was for him to lose the one thing that meant so much to him so I did my best not to get on his bad side. It worked until the point where the mere sound of my footsteps irritated the hell out of him.

It started with loud tones which quickly graduated to angry shouts and yelling most of which were uncalled for. I decided to take them in good stride and accommodate his bad moods but when I had had enough of it, I retaliated with shrieks of my own. In the end, no one really heard what the other had said and we both went to bed with our hearts nearly bursting of rage.
When it first happened, my body froze. When I looked at him, I could see the same shock registered on his face. He had hit me and we both couldn’t believe it. I blinked and that was the cue for tears to flow. He immediately and profusely apologized which I accepted. I blamed myself for the outcome because what I had said was bruising. He promised it would never happen again which I believed. How naive I was.

I realized a little too late that taking the blame for his actions was actually fueling this new displacement habit. It graduated from being an occasional event to a regular treat. I knew I had to get out but a part of me wanted to stay. I don’t know if it was because of the way he took care of me after each beating that got me stuck with him. I have never been a lover of pain but at that time, the pleasure after the pain seemed worth it.

I couldn’t tell anyone of the hell I was going through because I knew what they would say and I didn’t want to be told that so I endured it. Praying and hoping that this dark phase would fade away when he eventually found another job, I resigned to become his displacement ball.
This went on till I couldn’t take it anymore. Instead of finding the courage to walk out, I was looking for reasons to stay. If only I could get pregnant, I wondered, maybe his softer side which had gone on probation would resurface and we could live out our happily-ever-after.

So I got pregnant and instead of him rejoicing over it, he got angry that I was planning to trap him when I sensed that he wanted to leave me. Was he going through some PTSD I didn’t realize before?
I signed my death warrant when I went out of my way to ask a friend for a job opportunity for him. Apparently, it was a blow to his ego that I had fought his battle. I found myself in a hospital ward when I became conscious. I was told he had run away and a warrant had been sent out for his arrest. I was still brooding over this when I was informed that I had also lost the baby.
I was sad that I had lost the one thing that would bind us forever and I was heartbroken that he had left me. I knew I should be grateful of being alive after that horrible beating but a part of me felt that I’d rather be dead than live without Kobe. I look back to reminisce on how my parents lived; they quarreled but never did my father lift his hand against my mother. I admired their relationship and I wanted that for myself.

But I didn’t get that and I was ready to live with it. I remember calling women in violent relationships senseless but here I was. I knew there was no sense in missing him but I did. After everything my mama taught me, I still ended up here with no intention to leave him if he hadn’t.
I can’t believe that I’m the one who stayed.

Who Should Love More?

Photo credits to Google Images.

In a world wrecked with deceit and dishonesty at every level of personal relationships, mistrust seems to be new ‘normal’ affection brewing in everyone’s heart and suspicion being the icing on the cake of thoughts flashing through the mind. Life has taught people in the hardest way that it is imprudent and even suicidal to put your eggs in one basket when it comes to loving someone. Judging from a phone-in poll on a radio program, most men see it as an overgenerous gesture to enter a relationship with even half his heart.

And it is a quite acceptable fact that the two people claiming to be lovers have differing proportions of love towards each other. One person always seem to love, admire and appreciate the other more. Ideally, the level of affection should be nearly as equal as possible. But clearly, that’s not the case.

Nowadays, people love with their heads and keep their hearts under heavy lock and key. The popular marital vows are now taken with a pinch of salt. They are recited with ecstasy at the spur of the moment without reflecting on what those words mean. And when the harsh realities of life begin to hit hard, they discover how shallow their commitment to each other is.

Some prefer to end up with people who would love them more than they do; it is safer for them to grow in love with someone already crazy about them than the other way round. It feels better to be the recipient of someone’s undivided love and attention than to be the giver (especially when it is not being reciprocated). But according to a professional, tying the knot with someone you don’t love enough, someone you have appreciable levels of tolerance for (as long as it is convenient) is a recipe for self-destruction and sure misery for the rest of your days.

Christians would agree that the perfect example of someone who truly loved was Jesus. Although He was scorned by those He came to save, He died for them anyway. He knew many people would continue to despise Him and mock Him for being the Son of God for many years to come, but His arms remain wide open to anyone who runs to Him. My God is a Lover: He gave up what was most precious to Him for us; not everyone appreciates what He did but His love never ceases to cover us all.
Why do you decide to love someone? Is it because you think they deserve it or you believe you were born to love that particular person? Every object of love has its flaws be it human or even a pet but we love them anyway. The one who loves gives a part of himself and in giving, finds satisfaction and fulfillment.

If you’re looking for the perfect person most deserving of your heart and love, you might never find him/her. But we have all been born with the innate duty to love so we find someone to lavish it on. So if you have found someone to love, love with everything you’ve got; for love covers a multitude of sins. It may sound reckless but if even God in all His holiness would love you as flawed as you are, why withhold a piece of your heart from someone else with same or even lesser faults? We don’t deserve God’s love but He freely showers it on us; thus we should freely love. After all, there is much blessing in giving than in receiving.

What Was I Thinking? XL


A lanky boy entered Mr. Daniels’ office. Fitz handed him an envelope.
“Send it to the address on the envelope,” he said grimly.
“Yes sir,” he said and turned around.
“Did you deliver the envelope to my residence as I asked you to?”
“Yes sir, I did.”
“Okay…my wife took it from you?”
“No…A young man took it from me.”
“A young man? Where was my wife?”
“He said she was occupied inside the house.”
“How did he look like?”
“I can’t remember much but he kind of looked familiar…”
“Like someone you’ve seen on TV?”
“Something like that.”
“Okay, thanks. And please hurry with that letter. It’s urgent.”
“Yes sir.” He left the office. Fitz tapped his desk with a ball pen.

In the evening, Fitz and I sat in the living room after dinner listening to the 8 o’clock news. I rested my feet on his lap which he massaged gently as I occupied myself with issues of being a mother 101.
“Uh huh.”
“Did someone come visiting whiles I was gone?”
“No; why?”
“Just asking.”
“A courier guy delivered an envelope from my office…”
“Oh yeah…I placed it on your desk in the study room.”
“You saw the guy?”
“Which guy?”
“The courier guy.”
“Is there a problem with the package?”
“Oh no…Just wanted to clarify…”
“If I received the package? I just told you that I did.”
“Fine.” I resumed my reading.
“I’ve familiarized myself with possible behaviors at each stage of pregnancy but I don’t remember forgetfulness being one of them.” I gave him a sharp glance.
“Your point being?”
“My courier guy told me a guy received the envelope from him at the door.”
Oh…so it was about Adam.
“Of course…Adam was here that day.”
“Why didn’t you come see who was at the door?”
“Because Adam offered to spare me the distance considering my load. Was that a bad thing?”
“So why deny it the first time?”
“I wasn’t denying anything. You asked if the package was delivered and I confirmed that it was.”
“Why was Adam here?”
“He came to check in on me.”
“I see…how…” I groaned in irritation.
“What’s with the interrogation, Fitz? He just came to see how I was doing. No harm done, okay?”
“Why do you seem uneasy about my questions?”
“Because it seems you’re brewing suspicious thoughts in your head. You do know that Adam and I have grown close but that’s all there is to it. We are friends but I am your wife, Fitz. Stop reading meaning into empty space.”
“I’m sorry if it looks like I’m suspicious. I do like Adam; he’s a good respectful boy but I’ve also realized he’s taken a liking to you…”
“That’s because I’m likeable, Fitz. I am lovable. That is why you fell for me, Fitz. I’m sorry but the fact that I’m married doesn’t conceal my very appealing qualities,” I said in a light-hearted tone with a playful tap on his chest. This was the only way I could think of to change the direction of the conversation. Fitz smiled. He took my hand and kissed it.
“I know but I also know he’s a good looking guy; the type you’d be drawn to.”
“I understand your fears, Fitz but when I said ‘I do’ to you at the altar, I was promising you that I’d never look at another man except you and I intend to keep that promise, honey.” He nodded.
“Thank you for reassuring me, Emily. I really needed to hear that.” I smiled, caressing his cheek.
“You are all I ever needed.”

On Saturday morning, I woke up to get ready for my day out with Karen. We had planned to have our hair done and knowing how long that could take sometimes, we decided to leave home early.
“I just heard the doorbell ring. I think it’s Karen. I’ve got to go. See you later, okay?” I said with a kiss on his cheek.
“Sure love. Have fun and take care of yourself.”
“I will, sweetheart. And get some rest, Fitz. You’ve been working your head off lately.”
“I’ll try.” I took my bag and left the room.
The house help had just let Karen inside the house when I arrived downstairs.
“Oh you’re ready! That’s the first,” Karen said.
“I can be punctual when I want to, Karen.”
“Uh huh…as long as it is far from academic.” I laughed.
“I am a serious student as well, Karen.”
“Yeah right. Where’s your husband?”
“Upstairs. Honey! Karen wants to say hi!”
The door to our bedroom opened and he came out.
“Hi Karen. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing well by God’s grace, Mr. Daniels. You?”
I’m doing well too. Please look after her for me, okay?”
“Of course. Enjoy your day.”
“You too, ladies.” I blew him a kiss. He blew one back at me and gave me one of his charming smiles. We stepped outside and sat in my car. Karen drove off.

Fitz saw Emily’s phone on the bed. He took it and rushed out.
“Emily, you left your phone!”
“I’m sorry sir but they have already left.”
“Okay…I doubt she needs it anyway.” He went back into the room.

Adam came out of the booth in the studio. He arrived early so as to get much work done. He sat down to have some lunch. He took out his phone and decided to hit Emily up with a text. A smile crept up his face with the mere thought of her. He knew he would never have her as his but he couldn’t stop thinking about her. What was about the forbidden fruit which made it so appealing? Was it the fact that he knew he could never have it that made him obsessed over it? He began typing.

Fitz was enjoying his afternoon with some fruit salad when he felt something vibrate beside him. It was Emily’s phone. He ignored it. Then it beeped again. And again and again. He rolled his eyes and focused his attention on the online magazine he was reading. Beep, beep, beep. Although tempted to, he didn’t want to invade his wife’s privacy. He decided to put the phone under her pillow when something caught his eye.
Messages from Adam. And they kept coming. What did he want to tell her that couldn’t be said in a single text? Another beep. Before he could decide what to do, his fingers had already taken action. He swiped the screen to unlock it. He inhaled deeply as he opened the chat. His eyes widened.

Why wasn’t she responding? Perhaps the phone was not with her, Adam thought. His heart leaped in excitement when he realized she was online. He waited. She wasn’t typing anything. What was she doing? He typed another message. Online but no response. Who could she be chatting with that would take all her attention?

Fitz wished he hadn’t read the messages. Ignorance was bliss and he agreed with that. He didn’t want to be in the dark about his wife’s online activities but he didn’t want to read meaning into what might have no ulterior intentions either. He wished he could unlearn what he had just read but he couldn’t. Another beep. He felt his chest constricting.
He started to type.

Yay! She was typing at last. It was taking forever for him to see it. His excited face turned into a disappointed one when the typing stopped. What was happening?

Fitz cleared what he had typed and exited the chat. He had to stop himself before he did something he would regret. He loved Emily too much to jeopardize their relationship based on some messages he had no business reading.

We came back home around five pm.
“You’re back! You look amazing, honey!” Fitz greeted as we walked in.
“Thanks honey; I feel so exhausted.”
“Good evening, Mr. Daniels,” Karen greeted.
“Good evening, Karen. You look sweet as well.”
“Thanks; your wife chose this style for me.”
“I’m a genius,” I said.
“Yes, you are.” He hugged me sideways.
“I wanted the driver to take Karen home if you don’t mind.”
“Of course I don’t. Let me get him for you,” Fitz said and went outside.
“Thanks, Em.”
“Thanks for what? What’s mine is yours.” Karen smiled gratefully. He came back inside.
“The driver is ready for you, Karen.”
“Thanks, Fitz. See you soon, Em,” she said and hugged me.
“Sure. Let me know when you get home.”
“I will. Bye, Fitz.”
“Bye, Karen.” She left. I sighed.
“So how was your day?” I asked my husband.
“Quiet and restful.”
“Good. Where’s my phone? I left it behind. I hope there aren’t a lot of messages waiting for me,” I said.
“There were quite a number of beeps. It’s on the center table.” I walked to it and picked up the phone.
“I wonder who was trying to reach me.” I swiped the screen.
“Oh,” was all I could say.
“Anyway, I’ll go upstairs and take a shower.”
“Okay; Mary prepared some dinner, I’ll warm it up.”
“Okay, honey.”
I sat on the bed and put my bag down. I opened the chat and saw the many messages from Adam. I shook my head and began to type. Almost instantly, my phone lighted up with a call from him.
“Hey…just saw your multiple messages. What’s up?”
“What’s up? I should be asking you that. What’s with the ‘ignore-me’ mode today?”
“Excuse me?”
“I sent you a couple of messages today and then I saw you come online and noticed you had started typing. Then the typing stopped. I continued sending you some more messages which you ignored and later went offline. What was that about?”
“I went out today and unfortunately left my phone at home so I have no clue of what you’re jabbering about, Adam.”
“What do you mean…? Oh gosh, does it mean your husband…?”
My eyes widened in realization of what that meant.
“Does your husband know your password?”
“Oh no.”
“He does?” Adam asked anxiously.
“I don’t have a password.”
“Why the hell not? Everyone has one!”
“I didn’t see the need to have one. I didn’t want Fitz to think I had anything to hide.”
“Wow…how transparent of you, Emily,” Adam chided.
“Hey, don’t put the blame on me. When you realized I wasn’t responding after three or four texts, why wouldn’t you stop to assume that the phone was not with me?”
“That’s what I thought at first but when I saw that you’ve come online, I didn’t think it could be your husband!” He was definitely freaking out.
“Okay, calm down; Adam. This isn’t the end of the world. I’ll clear things up with Fitz.”
“Haha…so easy for you to say, Emily. It could very well be the end of my world. And you better put a password on your screen!”
“I will. I’ll talk to you later, Adam. Take care.” The line ended. Although it was a dicey situation, I couldn’t help but laugh. I immediately checked my phone settings and chose a pattern lock instead of the password. I wondered what was going through Fitz’s head at the moment.

Fitz was quiet throughout dinner. I could sense he wanted to ask me something but somehow couldn’t gather the courage to do so. I decided to make it easier for him. I touched his hand on the table.
“Are you okay? You seem to have something on your mind.” He stared at me for some time and looked back at his food which he had been playing with.
“I’m okay.”
“Are you sure? You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
“Yeah. There’s nothing wrong.”
“Okay.” At least I tried, right? I didn’t want to risk pushing it too much.
The silence that followed was disrupted with a beep from my phone. Fitz glanced at my phone. I took it and unlocked the screen.
Hope you’ve a password now. I chuckled and put the phone down.
“You have a lock on your screen now,” Fitz said.
“Any particular reason why?”
“It seems someone has been snooping.” I glanced at him. It was now or never.
“Oh yeah?” Fitz asked innocently.
“You wouldn’t have anything to do with that, would you Fitz?”
He stared at me for a moment and put his fork down. He sighed.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to pry. The phone kept beeping so I began to wonder who wanted to get in touch with you so urgently.”
“Uh huh.”
“So you’re not angry?” Fitz asked. I shrugged.
“Why would I be? I have nothing to hide,” I said and sipped my water. I watched him struggle to analyze his suspicions with my nonchalant reaction to the matter.
“I read some of the messages Adam sent you.” There it was.
“I noticed.” He watched me intently as if he was expecting me to say something else.
“He called you babe.” I smiled.
“Adam can be the cute, sweet and passionate guy when he wants to. There’s no need to lose sleep over this, honey. There’s nothing scandalous going on.” I squeezed his hand with an assuring smile. He squeezed it back. He smiled back.
“Okay.” When I saw the last traces of doubt and confusion leave his eyes, I sighed in relief and took my hand away. This should never happen again.

What Was I Thinking? XXXIX


I laughed out loudly. I was enjoying a short story on Wattpad when I heard the doorbell ring. I looked up. Who could that be? The help had already left. I got up and walked to the door. The baby bump was really in the way now…my gait had changed drastically and I wasn’t proud of it. I opened the door.
“Hi!” I blinked hard.
“What are you doing here?”
“Your husband told me he was going out of town for a few days so I thought of checking in on you; you know, just in case you needed something.”
“That’s nice…but you shouldn’t have.”
“Are you going to let me in?” I hesitated for a second and opened the door wider. He entered.
“Oh, relaxing with some jazz tunes, huh?”
“Yeah…Adam, I don’t think you being here is a wise idea.”
He turned to face me.
“Why’s that? I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”
“And I appreciate that but I don’t think we should give Fitz reasons to suspect us.”
“But he’s not here.”
“Physically, yeah but who knows?”
“Are you saying he’s keeping tabs on you?”
“I can’t tell for sure but it’s better to be safe than sorry.”
“I’m sorry…I didn’t meant to upset with my visit.”
“It’s not that. I’d love to have you keep me company…as you can see, I’m all alone here.”
“And how’s the baby doing?” he asked softly, touching the bump.
“She’s fine.”
“She? You know that for sure?”
“No; but I wish it to be a girl. I hear they are less difficult to raise than boys.”
“I wish it to be a girl too…to see an infant of you would be nice.” I smiled. He held my hands and our fingers intertwined.
“I wished we could raise her together.”
“In a way, we would. Want a drink?”
“Don’t bother yourself with that. I’ll help myself.”
“Okay.” I sat down whiles he made his way to the kitchen. I picked up my iPad and resumed reading. He sat down a few inches from where my feet were lying and placed his glass down.
“Honestly, I came for my dose.” I looked up at him.
“Your what?”
“You do know you’re my muse, right?” I chuckled.
“I need to write something and I need you to help me.”
“Can’t Sabrina help?”
“Why would you bring her name up?”
“Why wouldn’t I? She’s a close friend, right? Surely you can draw some inspiration from spending time with her as well.”
“Do I sense a tinge of jealousy?”
“Why does everyone say that? I’m not jealous!”
“Fitz mentioned the same thing when I said I didn’t want to attend the last dinner we had together. But I’m definitely not jealous. I just think that being around someone else could give you a fresh outlook at things.”
“I’ll take that under advisement,” he said, taking out his notepad. I shook my head with a smile and resumed my reading.
After a brief moment of silence, Adam spoke up.
“Do you mind if I change the music?”
“You don’t like it?”
“It’s not really helping my flow…if you don’t mind.” I shrugged.
“Sure, help yourself.” I watched him connect his phone to the speakers.
“Hmm…nice track. One of yours?”
“No.” He sat down.
“What kind of life do you wish for our baby?”
“Are you going to write about the baby?”
“I wish her to be happy; to feel loved and protected and though the circumstances are far from the usual, she wouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of her parents’ actions.”
Adam nodded.
“Okay.” When he said nothing else, I went back to my reading. After sometime, I felt my neck cramping so I rotated it a few times.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah; I just need to lie down a bit.”
“You’d have to move.”
“I don’t want to.”
“I need space for my feet, Adam.” He placed a small pillow on his lap and tapped it.
“There…enough space.”
“I’m not getting up…neither are you so you better get relaxed.” I stretched myself and placed my feet on his lap. I sighed.
“Oh yeah.” I closed my eyes.
“Is the music too loud?”
“Nah…it’s perfect.”

I woke up to a sweet smelling aroma from the kitchen. I got up and walked to the kitchen.
“Sleeping beauty finally woke up.”
“What are you doing?”
“Preparing lunch.”
“You cook?”
“Yeah…my mother used to tell me, you better learn how to cook for yourself. Who knows, your wife might be terrible at it.”
“Interesting…she may be right.”
“Do you cook?”
“I can manage noodles and eggs.” He laughed.
“So I guess my mum was right.”
“But your wife might be a great cook…you might never know.” He didn’t respond.
“Adam…I’m sorry that I can’t be what you want to be. I don’t know what the future holds for us but I hope this baby binds us forever.” He smiled at me.
“Yeah, I hope so too. Come and taste it.”
“Wow…you’re good.” He smiled boyishly as if he had heard the best compliment in the world.
“Aha! A guy dropped by with a letter for Mr. Daniels whiles you were asleep.”
“Which guy?”
“Looked like a courier. I left the envelope on the centre table.”
“Oh okay. He didn’t ask about me?”
“Of course he did. I just told him you were occupied.”
“Okay; thanks.” I rubbed my palms eagerly.
“I can’t wait to taste your handiwork, Adam.”
“I pray you won’t be disappointed.”
“Oh I doubt it.” He pulled a chair for me. I smiled thankfully and sat down. I watched him as he served me a plate.
“I can sense you ogling me, Mrs. Daniels.” I chuckled.
“You’re a sight to behold, Adam.” He smiled shyly and sat down.
“Grace?” He asked, offering me his hand. I put my hand in his and he held it firmly.
“Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of life and good health. We thank you for the food you’ve provided. We pray that it would give strength for Emily and the baby and may sharing this meal keep us closer in Jesus’ name, amen.”
“Amen. Lovely prayer.”
“Were you able to write something?” I asked when we began eating.
“Yeah, two actually.”
“Yeah, just rough drafts but I believe they will come out great.” I nodded.
“I think I hear your phone ringing.”
“It must be on the couch. Don’t mind it; I’ll call back after lunch.”
“Could be your husband.” I shrugged.
“I’ll call back.”
“Fine, if you feel the need to, then please get it for me.” He quickly got up and went for it.
“It was Karen.” The ringing has ended. He gave me the phone. I put it down.
“I’ll talk to her later. I bet she was just checking up on me.” He sat.
“I really admire your friendship. She’s loyal.”
“Yes she is; I thank God for her every day.” His phone rang.
“Excuse me….Hey, Sabby…what’s up?”
So Sabrina was as loyal to him as Karen was to me. It was cute but I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy. I brushed the thought aside and concentrated on my lunch.
Adam checked his watch.
“Yeah sure; I’m having lunch with Emily. I’ll tell her; take care love. Bye,” he said and ended the call.
“Sabrina sends her regards.”
“Tell her they have been well received.”
When we were done, Adam was a darling enough to clear the table and wash the dishes. I really felt pampered.
We binge-watched a few episodes of Two and a half Men which left us reeling with laughter.
We sat in comfortable silence for a while. We stared at each other.
“You have to go,” I said. He nodded.
“But I don’t want to.”
“I don’t want you to either. I’m really glad you passed by.”
“And I’m glad to have spent the day with you.” I got up and gave him my hand. He took it and got up. He gathered his stuff and we walked to the door.
I kissed his cheek and he smiled. He touched my tummy.
“Take good care of her, will you?”
“I will,” I promised. I gasped in surprise when he got on his knee and kissed my tummy. I caressed his neck affectionately. He muttered something which I didn’t hear. I bit my lower lip to keep me from shedding tears. He looked up at me and I smiled.
“I love you, Emily.”
“I love you too, Adam.” He got up and held my cheek.
“Thanks for spending the day with us. We are very grateful.”
“Don’t mention it; daddy is glad to be here.” He kissed me. I wanted to pull away but I couldn’t. I held his shirt. Adam paused thinking I was going to push him away but when I didn’t, he kissed me again. The emotions boiling within me made me kiss him back. When we stopped, we were both out of breath.
“I’m sorry…I know I shouldn’t have but…”
“Don’t apologize. I needed it.” He planted a soft goodbye kiss on my forehead and left. I placed my hand on my chest and I felt my heart racing with excitement. I touched my lips and licked it. I knew what we had just done was wrong but nothing I’ve ever done felt so right.

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