Would You Rather #69: Be in an Excellent Relationship with Terrible Sex Or an Awful Relationship with Incredible Sex?

Since we’re still in the month of love, I picked another question on relationships. Issues on relationships never get old; and the many expert advice published in books and online as well as discussed at conferences do not say anything unheard of. But why are they always in hot demand? It’s because everyone’s relationship is unique and has its peculiar challenges no matter how common it may be. 

One significant aspect of a romantic relationship is sex and how compatible the two people involved are. Most people talk of ‘testing the waters’ during dating to be sure they are compatible; a viewpoint I don’t agree with. Sex is sacred and shouldn’t be downgraded into a mere physical activity without commitment or attachment. Sex before marriage discolors one’s insight about the relationship and most likely makes one ignore the glaring red flags just so to continue working the ‘bedmatics.’

That said, it would be an unfortunate situation to have a great relationship but have troubles with sexual chemistry. I’m sure there’s a statistic to that but it’s not a hopeless case. If the relationship is that great, then the couple involved can communicate their challenges and come up with ways to deal with the challenge. As long as the communication is solid and both parties are committed to put in an effort to make it work, terrible sex shouldn’t be a deal breaker. It would surely work itself out.

On the flipside, no one has to tell you that an awful relationship with incredible sex has no future. The only scenario I can think of such good sex in a bad relationship is ‘makeup sex.’ You have a fierce fight and make up between the sheets. If the movies are anything to go by, makeup sex is passionate and for that brief moment, you forget how terrible your partner is. But most often, making up doesn’t guarantee a change in behavior and after the passion had simmered down, the issues are back staring you in the face. Unless one or both sit up and make their relationship work, the incredible sex can only postpone the inevitable breakup.  

Unless it’s an arranged sex mate or friends with benefits kind of thing, (welcome to the 21st century, y’all!) a relationship goes beyond the bedmatics; and it will eventually get to the point where mind-blowing sex would not be enough to keep one in an awful relationship. 

I believe there’s more hope in a great relationship with sex challenges than a terrible relationship with great sex. Communication and collaborative effort can deal with the former; but if the foundation of the relationship itself is messed up, no amount of good sex can save it. Sorry.

What do you think? Which relationship would you rather be in and why? Kindly share your thoughts.
© Josephine Amoako 2017

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