Would You Rather #69: Be in an Excellent Relationship with Terrible Sex Or an Awful Relationship with Incredible Sex? 


Since we’re still in the month of love, I picked another question on relationships. Issues on relationships never get old; and the many expert advice published in books and online as well as discussed at conferences do not say anything unheard of. But why are they always in hot demand? It’s because everyone’s relationship is unique and has its peculiar challenges no matter how common it may be. 

One significant aspect of a romantic relationship is sex and how compatible the two people involved are. Most people talk of ‘testing the waters’ during dating to be sure they are compatible; a viewpoint I don’t agree with. Sex is sacred and shouldn’t be downgraded into a mere physical activity without commitment or attachment. Sex before marriage discolors one’s insight about the relationship and most likely makes one ignore the glaring red flags just so to continue working the ‘bedmatics.’

That said, it would be an unfortunate situation to have a great relationship but have troubles with sexual chemistry. I’m sure there’s a statistic to that but it’s not a hopeless case. If the relationship is that great, then the couple involved can communicate their challenges and come up with ways to deal with the challenge. As long as the communication is solid and both parties are committed to put in an effort to make it work, terrible sex shouldn’t be a deal breaker. It would surely work itself out.

On the flipside, no one has to tell you that an awful relationship with incredible sex has no future. The only scenario I can think of such good sex in a bad relationship is ‘makeup sex.’ You have a fierce fight and make up between the sheets. If the movies are anything to go by, makeup sex is passionate and for that brief moment, you forget how terrible your partner is. But most often, making up doesn’t guarantee a change in behavior and after the passion had simmered down, the issues are back staring you in the face. Unless one or both sit up and make their relationship work, the incredible sex can only postpone the inevitable breakup.  

Unless it’s an arranged sex mate or friends with benefits kind of thing, (welcome to the 21st century, yall!) a relationship goes beyond the bedmatics; and it will eventually get to the point where mind-blowing sex would not be enough to keep one in an awful relationship. 

I believe there’s more hope in a great relationship with sex challenges than a terrible relationship with great sex. Communication and collaborative effort can deal with the former; but if the foundation of the relationship itself is messed up, no amount of good sex can save it. Sorry.

What do you think? Which relationship would you rather be in and why? Kindly share your thoughts.
© Josephine Amoako 2017

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60 Comments Add yours

  1. joyegeorge says:

    I’ve been in a terrible relationship and there is no way that incredible sex wold have kept me with that man. As far as the other option, I just don’t think it’s possible. I think God made sex for marriage and when you find the one that He has meant for you to be with, your love and excitement to be together will make you enjoy the intimacy no matter what your partner’s “skill level.”

    Liked by 4 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      I agree totally! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and have a great week ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ll take the good relationship, too. I think a good relationship can fix the problem with time and communication. It’s doesn’t work the other way.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Yep, time and communication. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Have a great day. ☺

      Like

  3. I’ll take the excellent relationship…. There is noting better than true real love between 2 people. That to me is better than sex honestly. But two people who love each other all they need is time and they will explore more of each other’s sweet sides and be eager to do whatever for there loved one.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      All they need is time… Great advice there, Chris. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and have a great week!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Your welcome and you to…

        Liked by 1 person

  4. rudymariee says:

    Wow. What a question! I rank great sex pretty high. There’s nothing better than an incredible physical connection to match an emotional bond. I think I would have to pick the excellent relationship. Sex can be worked on through enhancers. An excellent relationship is hard to find! But if we are being real, so is great sex! But great sex without a satisfying relationship is not worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Good point! If the relationship isn’t satisfying, the sex won’t cut it. Thanks for joining in with your thoughts, Mariee ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Judy Redic says:

    I’ll take the excellent relationship, because you both can learn to what you both like when it comes to sex. It’s the relationship that matters most, if you both compromise and communicate, you will overcome any hardships that you will encounter, even bad sex nights.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Very true. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Rudy ☺

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Judy Redic says:

        You’re welcome 😊☺️btw it’s Judy 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. joseyphina says:

        Sorry… Autocorrect issues lol

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Judy Redic says:

        That’s fine. Nice topic there, it’s the first time I read something like this here. It’s a great help to people, too.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. joseyphina says:

        Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed the read.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Judy Redic says:

        I did. I love your works ☺️😊

        Liked by 1 person

  6. gracelarbi says:

    Sweetheart couldn’t agree with you any better …and its not the sex that takes the relationship far or sustains it…it is friendship….which will be very vital in your old age, if God grants you that anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      True…it’s friendship that holds a relationship together. Thanks for reading, Grace ☺

      Like

  7. anoali says:

    I rather put a relationship first. As I get older sex isn’t as important as it was when I was in my twenties

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Yep, priorities become clearer as we grow. Thanks for sharing your thoughts

      Like

  8. Korkor Tee says:

    I don’t even need to think through this. I’d prefer a wonderful relationship with terrible sex any day any time! Come to think of it, isn’t the sex as good as the relationship? for me, in the absence of a good relationship, good sex is non-existent!!

    Jo when should we expect chapter 16 of swapping places please?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Hehe… I agree, the sex would depend on the relationship…
      Hopefully soon, dear. Still gathering ideas😉

      Like

  9. McApple says:

    Haha. The best of both worlds la! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. yuhublogger says:

    “a relationship goes beyond the bedmatics”. Well said!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. bilhaolojo says:

    Great sex is also highly ranked but I will go with good relationship. The obsession for sex fades with time but it’s the good relationship that keeps you going. Besides it’s easier to work on one’s sex skills than their character.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      I agree with you 👏

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Tim Gatewood says:

    I agree with you — relationship counts for more than sex. Those few minutes of actual sex (And many more of foreplay and cuddling after) don’t add up to much time in an average week. The relationship is there 24/7.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Artesia says:

    I would prefer to have the great relationship but depending on the sexual desires and expectations of each individual, it could make one miserable and lead to resentment which in turn makes for a less than stellar relationship.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      I agree, it could taint the otherwise great relationship but it can be worked out if both partners agree to. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Artesia

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Ufuomaee says:

    You’ve said it. I’d rather not be in either, but there’s more hope when there’s real love between the couple, than just real chemistry… Cheers!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      I’m glad we agree. Thanks for reading, Ufuomaee ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Queen Nique says:

    I would say the first choice only because if it is bad, you can always experiment with your partner together and find out what works for both and what does not and maybe find somethings new. However, if you can get a more intellectual stimulation from your partner then the natural part is just going to be the icing on the cake.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Yes, I agree! There’s nothing sexier than a smart head lol

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Scarlett says:

    Great post, great relationship with respect is the most important amazing sex is a bonus and like you say….it can always be worked on 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Avery says:

    I’d leave both alone. It’s obvious why you would want to leave an awful relationship. Terrible sex, however, will make one partner resentful which will in turn lead to infidelity. Who wants to have bad sex for the rest of their lives? No one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      That’s true. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Avery.

      Like

  18. petitechai says:

    I would rather a great relationship, because, quite frankly that is my relationship. I have never enjoyed sex, I don’t know why or how to fix it. But I love my boyfriend so I am more than happy to do it for him. I enjoy the before and after, and that is enough for me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Oh that’s selfless of you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Chai.

      Like

  19. kittudoe says:

    I agree with u.Sex is just part of relationship not the key of relationship so it’s useless to drag a relationship without understanding n trust.Sex can b temporary solution to avoid the issue not permanent

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Very well put! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Doe.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Laura Lovejoy says:

    Everyone has their own way of viewing sex and if you wish to wait until marriage or serious commitment then that’s ok. Although I personally don’t see sex as sacred and feel whether it’s a few hours into knowing someone or after months of getting to know someone, as long as you’re in control and comfortable then it’s your decision.

    Sex is a huge part of a relationship, especially when you’re getting to know someone but you’re right, it’s not everything. You can have an amazing relationship without having to be at it like rabbits all the time. It’s also a lot easier to improve life in the bedroom than it is to improve deeper issues within a relationship.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thank you for adding your thoughts, Laura.

      Like

  21. emmachuks says:

    You’ve said it all👏👏
    A lovely relationship supercede sex

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thanks for reading! ☺

      Like

  22. Scarlett says:

    A great relationship over great sex anyday! sex can be worked on, experiment, practice makes perfect after all!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      I agree! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Scarlett!

      Like

  23. In my opinion I need to have a LOT of sex in order for a relationship to last. But I am kind of slutty 😦

    Like

    1. joseyphina says:

      Is that something you are happy about or would like to change?

      Liked by 1 person

  24. The Mesh Guy says:

    That’s a hard question.. probably it depends on the approach of both partners. One can be very pragmatic and open for improvement in case that sex doesn’t work, but if the other partner doesn’t believe in it and has a romantic idea of love, not much can be done to save a good relationship-bad sex, for example.
    A psychologist had suggested that we love in different ways, and this affects also our compatibility.
    We wrote about it, it’s illuminating! http://wp.me/p8HXdM-9f

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      That’s true. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

      Like

  25. I’m a little too late with the comment… but I also agree with almost everyone here that being in excellent relationships with terrible sex is way much better, ’cause in such relationships, you can fix the “s” thing ;p
    Ha, I need to say that I really wanted to read all the comments on this topic. As I knew it, not all people are “sexocentrics” 😀 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      You are never too late. Thanks for adding your thoughts to the conversation.

      Like

  26. Asha Tane says:

    Ideally, I wouldn’t want to be in either…but lemme tell you NOTHING beats a great friend. And that connection can go really far, even in the bedroom. Plus, performance can always be enhanced — and learned (if you’re willing to teach and partner is open to learn). 😉 I enjoyed this!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Very well said, Asha! 👏👏

      Like

  27. This is really hard for me to answer personally. I have never had bad sex with someone I really cared about.

    Liked by 1 person

Thanks for reading; would love to read your thoughts!

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