Wives denying their husbands sex is no news. A lot these stories can be heard on radio call-in shows by frustrated husbands and unremorseful wives. The story is usually along the lines of, ‘He doesn’t lift up a finger to help with anything in the house. I spend the whole day running around the house, cleaning after him and when I’m trying to catch some sleep, he wants me to open my legs? Hell no!’
Counselors continue to hammer in the caution for wives not to use sex denial as a weapon of punishment against their husbands. It would only end badly for them as it would push their men to seek comfort outside the matrimonial home. This tends to happen a lot since there a lot of desperate, needy single ladies who are availed themselves to provide any service married men may be in need of. Regardless of this threat, both men and women refuse to come to a compromise on the issue. Sex starvation still happens.
I figured it was a tool exclusive to women as a ‘discipline’ tool. Apparently, I was wrong. I was beyond shocked to hear the story of a married woman who was going out of her mind because her husband was denying her sex because she was ‘untidy.’ This man is supposedly a neat freak and hates to see unwashed dishes in the sink, things lying around where they shouldn’t be…I’m sure you get the picture. The woman claimed she isn’t untidy; she just gets overwhelmed with everything on her plate and leaves certain things undone sometimes. For her dear husband, that is unacceptable and the only way he deems fit to show his displeasure is to deny her sex. Incredible, right?
I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. It’s no laughing matter, I know. Who would have thought that what women can do, men can do as well? For a married woman to take this story on air for advice from the public shows how close she is to the tipping point. I wonder how that makes one feel, withholding something from someone you claim to love knowing the effect it would have on him/her. Powerful, in control? Maybe. But for how long?
Whether it’s the husbands or the wives doing the withholding, it is not right for either party to hurt each other this way. As much as husbands are susceptible to cheat, wives also stand the risk of seeking emotional comfort from outside the home, usually ‘best friends’ or colleagues from work. And when a married woman gets emotionally attached to another man, that is bad news.
One issue plaguing most couples of today is lack of or ineffective communication. If you want your partner to help you with something, don’t just assume that he has to know. ‘Can’t he see I’m swarmed? Doesn’t he know that I need help?’ Well, men are not mind readers. Ask kindly and you might be surprised how much he might come around in helping you. Using sex denial as a weapon will only cause other troubles and may cost you your marriage.
And for the dear husbands, if you want to enjoy your marriage and your wives as you wish, then help your wives and relieve them a little. It wouldn’t degrade your manhood by working alongside her so she wouldn’t end the day so tired so as not to pay you any attention in the bedroom.
Instead of fighting and punishing each other, talk. You are stuck with each other anyway. It is in your best interests to make it easier to live together. For better for worse, remember your spouse is not the enemy. There are many forces who would delight in seeing your marriage fail. Don’t give them something to rejoice over. If you’ve come this far, then you can make to the end-till death do you part.
© Josephine Amoako 2017
Photo credits to Capital FM Kenya.
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