Marriage is no child’s play, every couple will tell you. It takes the emotionally intelligent and mature, committed and enduring pair to make it work against all odds. Some have entered and exited with bitterness and regret summing up the experience; some have entered and exited but with some fond memories while it lasted and many others have entered and have stayed not because it was easy-peasy because they saw each hurdle as a temporary phase and not a permanent destination and so handled it as such. I listen to some elderly couples and the common thing they all say is that, the experiences both good and bad have shaped them and brought them much closer.
Our grandparents and generations before them hardly divorced, probably because they could marry more than one so there was no need to leave one for the other. It didn’t make life any easier for our grannies back then but someway somehow, they died either married or widowed. But stemming down from our parents’ generation to ours, divorce is growing alarmingly rampant.
The fear of facing society’s disapproval used to be a deterrent to an extent but not anymore. News of divorce doesn’t come as a shock anymore. It’s like we subconsciously prepare for the news and unconsciously wait for it.
People marry for various reasons and people divorce for diverse reasons as well, some of them you might find interesting or even amusing. Some people were unfortunate to have ‘smelled pepper’ in their first marriages and after managing to leave in one piece, have sworn never to venture into it again. Others, after having witnessed the marriages of those close to them fall on rocks, especially their parents, are skeptical of taking the step for fear of history repeating itself.
I’m not a fan of divorce but I won’t deny myself marriage for fear that it would end in one. You can never tell if something will work out or not unless you try. However, marriage isn’t a game of trial and error where you enter to ‘test the waters.’ Some people would argue that those who are not committed to make their marriages work take the easy way out and call it quits. You may never know the back story to why they arrived at the decision and whether you wouldn’t have made that same decision if you were in their shoes. Besides, some people ‘stay’ married but have called it quits in their hearts. They live together because of one reason or the other but each person lives his/her life as he/she deems fit.
A part of me can’t help but admire people who may have suffered in one marriage and have found the strength and courage to tie the knot with someone else later. It shows that although they had an unpleasant experience the first or first couple of times, they believe that they have another chance of feeling loved and belonged and enjoy the pleasure of companionship.
Marriage may not be easy, and staying single is not either. There is a reason why they say, two heads are better are one and no one is an island. We get to that stage in life that we need someone to lean on. These days, people have found ways to form ties with others without necessarily having to commit under the covenant of matrimony. I’ll reserve my comments on that. But at the end, it’s quite obvious that we all need each other.
Unless God wills it otherwise, I do intend to marry and live out His purpose through it and not have an exit plan whenever troubles stare me hard in the face. I would rather marry and pray for God’s grace to help me through as well as do my part to see it succeed than not marry at all.
What about you? What would you rather do and why? Kindly share your thoughts.
© Josephine Amoako 2017
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