Baby Mama: A Trophy Wife’s Headache


(c)nowaygirl.com
(c)nowaygirl.com

Margaret was feeling over the moon toward her upcoming nuptials. She was on the verge of giving up and calling it quits when Elvis proposed. She was surprised at the out-of-the-blue popping of the question.  She was suspecting him of seeing another lady and she wasn’t going to allow herself to be dumped. So when Elvis invited her to dinner at a restaurant, she knew the day of reckoning had come. She prepared herself mentally and emotionally for the moment.

She watched him warily as they ate. What was he waiting for? For her to finish her dinner before he said it so she would puke them out? Or would he say it as she was chewing so it would choke her? No, she would say it first.

“Margaret…will you…?”
“Elvis, I know what you’re going to say…”
“…marry me?” Mag’s eyes bulged. Was she dreaming?”
“Are you asking me to…?” Elvis smiled and got down on one knee and asked the unbelievable yet overdue question again. She said yes breathlessly, still in shock over the turn of events.

So he chose her! Whoever he was seeing must not have had enough to keep her. At first she feared she was going to lose him on the basis of her decision to abstain since he was sexually active when they met. But it looked like the good girl won the battle over the bad boy.

But her tale wasn’t going to have the usual happy ending. About four days to the wedding, Margaret found out Elvis had a baby on the way. So he found himself someone to sort him out after their brief make-out sessions, huh? No wonder, he didn’t protest much about the abstinence pledge she had made years ago. Was she disappointed? Yes. She was heartbroken that although she was the one he had chosen to marry, a part of him would always be out there-a part of him that didn’t include her.

She wanted to call off the wedding but she couldn’t. How could she, when all the invitation cards had been sent and the event planner, caterer and makeup artist have all been paid? How was she going to explain to her family, friends, colleagues at work, her Facebook and Instagram friends and followers that she was going to remain single a little while longer?

Her mother had comforted her saying that it was no news. Most men at one point would cheat. He could have chosen to have left her to be with the baby mama but he still loved her so he was a keeper. So she went ahead and got married to him with the consolation that she had her mother’s blessing.

She had thought that he would bring the baby home to live with them but Elvis said the mother wanted to raise her child herself. She was somehow happy with the decision because she wasn’t prepared to start her marital life caring for another woman’s child. She would have her husband all to herself and she would bear him beautiful children.

How wrong she was! After two years of no issue, Elvis began staying out late. She wanted to believe it was work but a part of her feared the worst. Elvis had sworn that it was over between him and his baby mama, Ruby. To prove that it was all about his son, Eric, he brought him to meet her and spend the holidays with them. Margaret went out of her way to treat the young lad well; she didn’t want to lose her husband because of him. She was hopeful her own son, her husband’s legitimate heir was on his way. But Margaret’s love story had more bumps than smooth roads.

Ruby, his supposed one-time lover got pregnant for him again. How and when did that happen? He said she seduced him when he went over to see his son. Apparently, Eric was sleeping and she gave him a drink. Before he knew it, he was on her bed. And since he was now married, he didn’t have a condom on him. He still loved her and didn’t want her to leave him.

What was going on? Was she the designated trophy wife who attended social functions with him whiles he kept the side chick who was actually playing wife? She was ready to live with Eric’s existence but another baby with the same woman? Was it because she hadn’t given birth yet? But come to think of it, how did he expect her to take seed when he slept with her for God knows how many times and give her all of his good seed and spill the leftovers in her? This was the last straw.

She knew she had lacked the courage to walk out on him the first time but this time, she had to find it. She was living the life she had always wanted, a beautiful home, a hefty account which was promptly credited and a car which held the charm to turn heads. Elvis never shouted or raised his hand against her and he kissed her every morning and night. She thought she had him wrapped around her finger. But no, he was wrapped around another woman’s waist.

Elvis was asking for a second chance…or was it a third? Her mother had only scolded her when she told her. She blamed her for not performing her wifely duties well and allowing another woman to satisfy him in bed. Was she for real?

“As for that marriage, don’t even think of leaving it. If you do, only you stand to lose. He’ll bring that woman in the moment you walk out. Do whatever you can and give birth to a boy. You’re the Mrs. No one knows that woman. If he dies, you should inherit a good chunk of it. I didn’t carry you for nine months, raise you out of my sweat and blood only to have another woman reap where you’ve sowed. If you leave, my allowance will cease and so will the housing project he’s handling for me. Forgive him and move on but please, don’t sleep too much. You’ve work to do.”

Was she really expecting her to say anything different? And was she really expecting her once overtly-known player to be a faithful husband? Now, she was left with two choices: to mother her husband’s children so she could continue being a Mrs. or leave and start over. Start over from where?

She had vowed to be with him for better for worse; and it seemed her share of the cake was all worse. She didn’t want to be a divorce statistic but she didn’t see any other choice. She loved her life too much to let go.  She wanted the ring and the title and he had given them to her. But she didn’t sign up to be the designated wife when the side chick was the one whose bed her husband chose to find comfort.

What would you advise she does? Walk out on the grounds of adultery or forgive and stay married to an unfaithful husband and hope for the better?

Kindly share your thoughts.

© Josephine Amoako 2016

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30 Comments Add yours

  1. gracelarbi says:

    Reblogged this on gracelarbi and commented:
    Hmmmm tough one , but I would say if she doesn’t feel emotionally and psychologically abused, she should forgive and stay….after all she saw all the signs and still went in.
    Indeed she should concentrate on God and ask Him to give her peace and intervene..harm’s already done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      True, only God can make things right. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Grace. And thanks for the reblog. ☺

      Like

  2. Debs says:

    I agree she did see the signs and went in still but if she doesn’t feel peace and her emotions are abused, she should please let go. Her mom though!😏😏 Such thought coming from a mother to her daughter!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Yep, some parents can be unbelievable! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Debs ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  3. S-Badu says:

    I think since she has invested so much time on this man, she should focus on having her own children at least two so she can spend her time looking after her own rather than another woman’s children. She needs to open her eyes and start working for her benefit. Start putting money aside for her future and work on benefiting from all the time she is investing in this man. He is not going to change, so she might as well start looking out for herself coz he certainly is working on sowing his seeds and building a family. If she decides to leave one day she maybe walking out of that marriage empty handed and too old to bother with kids. She should Stop focusing on the man and focus on her future. Everyone in her life is focused on their interest including her mum, she needs to stop crying Wolf and do the same.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Hmm…you raise very valid points, Shereena. Thanks for sharing your thoughts ☺

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Shereen says:

        Oh hey you have my name without the A!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. joseyphina says:

        Yeah I know 😊

        Like

      3. S-Badu says:

        Your welcome❤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Shereen says:

    Why should she stay because she saw the signs? what kind of logic is that? She chose to trust and forgive him the first time, cool. but a second time, is just abuse and no one should have to deal with that. Easier said than done, but she should leave and start over as painful as it must be.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Hmmm… Second time is more difficult to let go

      Like

  5. That’s tough when I am not in the situation. I think if it were me, I would have broke things off before the wedding when I saw the signs. If for whatever reason I decided to stay anyway and get married, I think it is right to stay. I think when people do “bad” things (bad is a relative term…) there is always a need that isn’t being met. Maybe she is contributing somehow to his infidelity. That doesn’t justify his actions AT ALL but maybe if she were to change something that she is doing, things could improve. Regardless of the situation, I think in a world that doesn’t value family and marriage and tries to break them apart, we should do everything in our power to hold our families and marriages together. I believe God will bless people for their efforts. That doesn’t mean that over night things will be perfect, but every problem has a solution if everybody involved makes a true effort. Of course, that is much easier said than done, but I think there is truth to that 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      I agree with you…. Staying married regardless of what happens takes conscious effort as well inviting God to be part of it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I know it’s easier said than done but she needs to move on. She is allowing him to do whatever he wants at the cost of her sanity.

    The only thing she stands to lose are all the out of wedlock step children she will babysitting.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      True…. Thanks for sharing your thoughts ☺

      Like

  7. joliesattic says:

    The comments are as interesting as your story and since I lived that story, I will tell you what I did. After two separations, a divorce that never went through, and another separation, I left. My mother gave me the same advice. Basically she was asking me to prostitute myself for financial security. I had two girl, one with him and the other from a previous relationship. The problem was, he was bringing home diseases and one time it was a parasite which gets into the furniture and that my girls had to be disinfected for. I had God in my life, but even the ministers took his side. He made them promises too, telling him he would be good and he would for a month or two. Yes, I saw the handwriting on the wall too and when I told him I’d have nothing to do with him, he forced himself on me. I ended up pregnant and my mother then put pressure on me for that pregnancy to be married. Mother thought it was a chance for a great future and a way to legitimize both daughters. He had money and a reputation he didn’t want ruined by a “bastard” child. So he campaigned for my hand making him come across as the good guy and told her how much he “loved” me. Well, every time he strayed he would do this and this happened over and over again. I finally left. I stayed with him for 9 years. I’m poor now but I found a faithful man that treats me well. I would rather be happy than rich. I could have plotted to put away money and be as deceitful as he was, but there is nothing virtuous in doing that, no matter how wise it may seem. He remarried two more times after me and I was his second wife. He did the same to all of them. The fourth wife was barely older than our oldest child (he did adopt her) and she did to him what he’d done to all of us. Only she ran off with someone richer than he and still took him for all he was worth. He rebounded and is now living the good life in Hawaii, alone.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Wow… I’m so glad it’s all behind you now. And I agree with your stance that you’d rather be happy than rich. Thanks for sharing your experience with us, Jolie. Have a lovely day ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Joye says:

    Should not have married him or should have at least delayed the wedding until they could work through this stuff before getting married! I believe loveless marriages exist and you can have a healthy existence while being in one, but not everyone can handle that. I like to think that I would stay and try to deal with it, but I really don’t know. I dated a guy who cheated on me multiple times and I was miserable, so I wouldn’t blame her one bit if she left. She gets half, right?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Yeah, she should have sorted out the issue before getting married and staying married to an unfaithful person is miserable. Well, she could be entitled to half of his property if they split but it’s not just about the money… For her, it’s the headache of starting over.

      Liked by 2 people

  9. evanyambu says:

    whoops i feel like in a real soap opera here…drama

    Liked by 1 person

  10. This story infuriates me and makes me sad. This is me. Someone commented above…
    “…asking me to prostitute myself for financial security”
    I am doing this to myself and that convicted me so so much and made me feel as cheap and dirty as the women he paid for himself to be with. How am I any different? An overwhelming thought I need to bring to God.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Hmmm…. It’s too heavy a burden for one to carry. Indeed, only God can relieve one of such pain. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Elorm Yankah says:

    Josephine you’re always leaving us with tough decisions to make 😩

    Liked by 1 person

  12. She should have never gotten married in the first place. That is not love. she has biblical grounds for divorce, and will only continue to be cheated on if she stays. Ultimately it is up to her, not her selfish mother. I advise she leave and let God bring her a real man who loves her.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      I agree, getting married to him was a mistake. Whether she chooses to stay or leave, as long as she turns to God, her life would turn out better. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  13. This was a good read. Married or not I was leaving! I’ve been in a similar situation. My ex boyfriend and I had broken up and he got someone else pregnant. When we got back together he told me and I stayed with him. When the baby was five months old I got her from her birth mother so she could live with us because her mother was unfit. Nine months after she was born my ex and I had a baby together. I love them both equally but there is NO way if he had another child for some else again I’d stay. I don’t care how it looks that’s plain disrespectful to do such a thing. Her mother is crazy my mother would be like “you BETTER leave this man alone and go bout your business!” Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      I agree; it’s very disrespectful for anyone to be treated that way. Haha… Love your mum😁

      Liked by 1 person

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