Hi there,I hope you are doing well wherever you are. Of all the people I would have wanted to write to, you were the last on my mind. But after all these years, I guess it is necessary for me to do this so I get the closure I so need.
Memories of my life back in junior high school are tainted because of what I went through thanks to you. I can’t have a complete recall of a happy moment back then without having it sullied with thoughts of you. It’s unfortunate but it is what it is. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would have handled things differently and I would have unveiled the better and stronger version of myself earlier. But everything happens for a reason and I appreciate that.
It wasn’t my fault I was born into a humble home as compared to your sophisticated ones and so I couldn’t afford the goodies you were so accustomed to. I just needed to feel at home in my new school and somehow got to meet you. You were just to help me settle in. I never wanted to fit into your clique. I knew I didn’t belong there and so I knew better than to cross the line. I didn’t need you always rubbing it in my face about how short I fell from your standard; what a pity I was. But I don’t blame you totally. I played a role in that scene as well. I let you put me down and I never fought back. It has never been in my nature to resist; I always take it in, process it and then filter it out.
Although I was able to break free from associating with you, the down feeling that burdened me never quite left. It always made me feel insecure, insufficient, not good enough. You have no idea how many nights I’ve cried, wondering why I was born this way: oversensitive and passive to resistance. But I thank God it was only a phase I had to endure, one that is way behind me now.
For years, I held resentments against you; wishing you all the worst things I could muster to think of. Just a trigger and I could feel the rage and hurt rising within me. I thought I was punishing you by holding grudges against you. But I later realized I was only holding myself prisoner by my resentments. In order to free myself, I had to forgive and let you go. And what a relief it was when I finally did!
I remember when we met again at a hair salon after so long a time and noticed we were using the same phone. I couldn’t believe it. Who would have thought that my parents could ever afford to buy me the items you used? Indeed, there’s time for everything.
Ever since that time, I’ve never felt any strong resentments towards you whenever we happened to bump into each other. I actually feel indifferent now. Our painful history is dead and buried. As much as I owe it to myself and society to be civil to you, I doubt we can ever be friends again. Some people are better related to at a distance and you my dear, fall in that category.
I wish you the best in whatever you do. I just hope that when you start your family, you won’t raise your children to look down on people who are below your social status and thus repeat history. Because you don’t know what tomorrow holds for someone you deem beneath you today.
I do feel better now. Case solved. Thank you for teaching me to find myself in the most painful way. It was an experience worth having.
Were you ever bullied in school? Is there something you would like to get off your chest? I recommend you write it down. It will make you feel better. Were you a bully? Do you regret your actions back in school? Why don’t you write a sincere note about how you feel about your actions? It would make you feel better as well.
Kindly tag me in your post so I don’t miss it. Can’t wait to read yours!
© Josephine Amoako 2016