Caught Red-handed: Blow the Whistle or Look the Other Way? 


(c) Google Images.

Many marriages today reek of infidelity on both sides. People fall in love (or is it lust?), have a grand wedding ceremony, settle down and when the bliss fades and routine of coming home to each other begins to feel boring, one party or even sometimes both, start looking outside to find someone to excite them.  And (no) thanks to sites like Ashley Madison who make cheating so much easier and convenient for people (I’m so glad the site was hacked), cheating is no longer news. A partner gets shocked to his/her peril. Some couples agree to have an ‘open marriage’ to avoid feeling guilty or jealous about their extra-marital activities. If a marriage which is supposed to be a commitment is excused to flout the rules of commitment, then what is the point at all? Another topic for another day.

So I have a question to ask,

if you caught your parent red-handed with someone else, would you report it to the other parent or would you just keep quiet?

What if you were a house help, a driver, cousin or nephew/niece and you caught your boss/uncle or his wife/auntie having an affair, would you tell the other party or turn a blind eye? I’m going to paint two scenarios and you may share your thoughts on it.

Number one: A guy at the university who always found it challenging receiving enough allowance from his father happened to chance on him at one of the campus hostels with a female student in a rather compromising situation. Instead of confronting him about cheating on his mother, he decided to use the situation to his advantage. He chose to blackmail his father for a car and increased allowance in exchange for his silence to which his father readily obliged. The father continues to hang out with younger ladies and the son still profits from his dirty acts. The mother as far as anyone knows, is totally oblivious to this arrangement and is living the illusion of having a good marriage.

Number two: A house help or a driver chances on his boss’ wife kissing another man in a car. The madam usually goes out quite early and comes back late in a ride with a particular man when the husband is out on business travels. A lot of signs indicate that she is cheating on the boss. He really respects and admires his boss and finds it very unfair that his wife could be cheating on him and thus feels compelled to report her to his boss. But he’s afraid of being a weapon of destruction in the marriage. Is it his place to do so or he should just mind his business and hope that time catches up with the boss’ wife?

Marriage is a dicey issue and anything that would put a third party in such an awkward spot can be confusing. Children are issues out a marriage so whatever that is going on between their parents is their business as well or is it not? If you are a parent and your child happens to find your partner cheating, would you expect him/her to tell you about it? 

What if it were to an outsider living with you; a relative or employee? Would you expect such loyalty from them or do you prefer they kept their noses out your affairs and if something is out of order, you’d prefer to find out by yourself?

Kindly share your thoughts and let’s talk it out. Where do you draw the line between minding your own business and intervening in a situation which directly or indirectly affects you? I’m waiting.☺

© Josephine Amoako 2016

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36 Comments Add yours

  1. Michael Miller says:

    Hmm. Dicey

    Liked by 2 people

  2. dearlilyjune says:

    Ultimately, I don’t think it’s up to any third party to report on a relative/boss/friend, etc. If I were the one who spotted the affairs, I would definitely attempt to convince my relatives/friends that they should come forward to their spouses themselves, (though I don’t consider it my place to interfere with a boss’s personal life) but if they didn’t, I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to be the one to reveal the infidelity.

    Both of the issues above are definitely related to class complications, too. In the first, for instance, I was shocked to see a parent giving their “child” (who, by the age of entering a university is, in my mind, an adult) an allowance! I worked two jobs as a college student to make ends meet, and the thought that I could bribe my parents would have been laughable. Similarly, I can’t imagine having a lifestyle of being able to afford a driver or house help!

    As a secretary, there is a professional distance between my boss and I, so even if there were infidelity, I might risk my job even confronting him about it. And his extramarital affairs shouldn’t impact my ability to feed my child!

    I love the topics you broach, Joseyphina, as they always make me think about what it means to take personal accountability. My mother always taught me as a child that sometimes, honesty can be a license to cruelty. Sharing the infidelity of another will inevitably bring harm to the injured party. I say it’s better, as a third party, to prepare to be an emotional support for the person who has been cheated on, rather than acting as the supervisor or police of the one doing the cheating.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Being an emotional support is good advice. Thanks for sharing that. I another insight.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. mimispassion says:

      Very interesting points raised

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I’d want to be told. And I have told and have been thanked. I would tell in either situation. But I’m a truth teller. There are very interesting perspective gives above though. Being a support person in particular.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Telling the truth no matter the cost is ideal though not everyone would be that bold to take that step. Thanks for sharing your thoughts

      Like

    2. Fairen says:

      I agree! I would tell

      Liked by 1 person

      1. joseyphina says:

        Oh nice, thanks for sharing your thoughts Fairen.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Amanya says:

    See no evil. That’s me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Amanya

      Like

  5. K E Garland says:

    I think the only person I would say something to is a REALLY GOOD friend. Everyone else is on their own lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Lol… I understand. Thanks for joining in with your thoughts

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Patricia says:

    I would be very sure before I spoke up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Yep, that’s important 👍

      Liked by 1 person

  7. vhuvu says:

    Minding my business forever. Never telling. Here is the thing about telling, you become the hated party even when you tell the truth. Thats the sad reality. Even your parents will hate you if you tell the truth. You broke up something sacred. And what if the cheated party never leaves it’s you in trouble again. So keeping silent is my thing. But who says the world can’t do my job for me. I love this era I was born in technology is no joke. I have my phone with me everyday. I was caught a friends man cheating and I took pictures of it and told people to show her. She left him. So I think I’ll use my gadgets effectively and record these cheaters. Since women enjoy saying “until i see proof.” so proof I will show her. Or her friend will show her. And if she stays then that’s her. Wish her the best.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      I like that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts dear

      Liked by 1 person

  8. vhuvu says:

    Ignore the “was” on the “was caught.” English is hard

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Mr Mayor says:

    I would stay in my lane. Im of the rule “what you don’t know doesn’t kill you”.
    You whistle blow, the couple gang up against you. (1 angle).
    You whistle blow on a friend, everyone labels you an interested party. (2nd angle)
    Other marriages in my continent (Africa), aren’t mutually based on love. The fingers that will point at you (from beneficiaries to dependents) for wrecking the marriage you end up feeling bad for doing good (3rd angle)

    My own advice, never advise people in love. Let them make their call. For i have a friend whose brother was devorcing in the UK. He ran around with paperwork and even took leave. When he presented the papers to the inlaws they were shocked. They said the couple phoned just yesterday and were happy together.

    As of current my friend is enemy of the clan. Everyone hates him for trying to destroy a marriage. But he was just acting on instructions. No one believes him.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Oops, that’s would be awkward. You make some very good points. Stay out of love issues 👍

      Like

  10. Ufuomaee says:

    Do unto others as you would have them do to you. I would want to be told…

    Liked by 1 person

  11. somawrites says:

    It always hurts to be the last to know… It’s a dicey one Josey

    Liked by 1 person

  12. joymanda says:

    For the record, I hate that cheating thing. It’s really painful so I’d tell and I’ll make sure to have proof.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Yeah, proof is important. 👍

      Liked by 1 person

  13. zaram says:

    Telling seems the better option. However, its not an easy thing to do.
    As for me, I’ll look the other way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Are you choosing that option because it is easier?

      Like

  14. mimispassion says:

    This is dicey. I think I’ll rather just remain quiet. Truth usually isn’t hidden for long

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Well, that’s true.

      Like

  15. You have hit a very sensitive nail here What you have written asks a very good question. Do we come across as a tattle tale or ignore a wrong? Hard choice to make. Yet I think first you go quietly to the offender and speak to them with love and correct them gently and give them an opportunity to repent and make things right. After that if they believe they are not wrong pray that God gives you guidance on how to approach the one who is being betrayed. Yet know He may tell you no, don’t do it, but don’t act out of your own emotion which is very easy to do.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Very wise thoughts, Julie. Always seek God’s guidance and not let our emotions decide for us. Thanks for sharing your insight. Very much appreciated ☺

      Liked by 1 person

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