When did Married cease meaning Taken? 


(c) Google Images.

Gone are the days when married people were totally out of bounds to the single and searching. Nowadays, it seems wearing the ring means they are only one foot in the pool-still active for the taking. Apart from the witchcraft of wanting to take someone else’s spouse just because you think you deserve him better than the wife, some people clearly don’t see the big deal of playing the side chick role because the man is ‘good, generous and responsible’ as if that makes it okay to parasite on a fellow woman’s husband. Most men would back off after their close female friends got married or found out a woman they were into was someone else’s spouse out of respect. After all, you don’t do what you wouldn’t like to be done to you, right? Some people don’t honestly care about the feelings of others.

Check out this scenario. A struggling lady in between jobs comes across a ‘nice’ man who helps her out financially and even goes out of his way to help her get a good job. On one of their conversations, it slips out that he is married but is unhappy. The lady’s first instinct is to break things off immediately but reconsiders because of the immense help he has been to her. He assures her he’d leave his wife and marry her if she would agree to it. Confused about what to do considering the fact that she was already having feelings for him, she consulted her mother about the situation hoping to get some wisdom.

And guess what, the mother proposed that since the man is generous and responsible, the lady should consider having his child so she would be assured of being well taken care of. When she protested that the man was married, the mother dismissed it saying, if the wife was taking good care of her husband, he wouldn’t be chasing her around town. And if the wife made him as unhappy as he claimed, then there was nothing wrong with keeping such a good man happy if it was in her power to do so.

But he’s married!” Either the m word didn’t sink into her thoughts or she just chose to ignore it, the mother insisted that it was fine if she didn’t want to take over the wife’s place in his life but bearing him a child was the way to go.

“But if he can leave his wife for me, then he can leave me too for another.” “That’s why I’m not necessarily asking you to accept his marriage proposal. Just bear him a child, preferably, a son. That would seal the deal. This way, he will take care of you and the baby and if you find a husband for yourself later on, you can end things with him romantically but keep him bound to taking care of his child. All the good men are either taken or yet to be born, my dear. You either switch off the conscience and grab the ones who come on to you or you wait your turn. You know time isn’t really on your side. You don’t have many years to wait around. Take him on his offer. You get spared on performing the wifely duties but enjoying receiving the cash. I’m telling you things have changed. You have to change along with it.”

Seriously? This misguided advice wasn’t offered by her peers who might be dismissed of not knowing better but by her mother who by the fact that she is older and has seen much more of life would tell her the truth no matter how unpleasant it might sound. 

Since when did married mean flirt with until you find your own? Why can’t people put themselves in the shoes of the ones they want to overthrow? The fact that he claims he is unhappy doesn’t make it right for one to play the role of the spare part whose services are sought for when the main machine was faulty. 

Some ladies actually push these married men to leave their wives and marry them instead. They forget the whole ball game changes when you move in together. There’s a lot of insecurity about where he is when you don’t reach him on the phone or he comes home late because of fears that he has found yet another someone to play your previous side chick role. Stolen possessions never last long in the grips of the thief.

If he claims he is unhappy, maybe he should work on himself and his marriage. The flames of compatibility might not always be on but marriage is more than feelings. It’s a commitment. Leave him to figure it out. If he goes ahead to leave his wife, you should have no hand in it. The tears of a neglected wife would only curse you and your future. 

Married meant out of bounds back then and should mean even more the same today.
© Josephine Amoako 2016

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28 Comments Add yours

  1. “Stolen possessions never last long in the grips of the thief.”

    At all! You’ve said it all and well. The other day, a married man was flirting with me and when I mentioned to another married man who is a friend and more like a big brother, he said “these things are normal because we are all humans and we tend to have feelings.”

    I was shocked beyond words and he then went further to say, “You won’t understand because you are not married yet. Even as a single, you tend to have feelings for more than one person at the same time.” And I was like 😳😳 God forbid if I think of such when I’m married. The ‘M’ word means nothing these days and I still don’t understand a reason for that…

    Well written!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Wow, I see. The fact that one develops feelings for another whiles married doesn’t mean one should respond to those feelings. It’s sad though

      Liked by 4 people

  2. josiephin says:

    Well observed and written. The truth is the world is believing so much lie in terms of marriage. And the world has placed an intense pressure on singles, mostly women that their desperation is making them reckless. May God have mercy.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Amen to that! Thanks for reading, dear

      Like

  3. 1: SEX is very casual lately
    2:WEDDINGS have become a social gathering to simply show off
    3:MONEY, has become money people don’t marry for love anymore
    4:CULTURE has been polluted and diluted by technology
    5:PARENTING has lost meaning bse if u have raised your kids well then they know better
    6:THE RING became marriage. people think when its on your finger then marriage has been defined. when you wed then marriage has been defines they forget about becoming one body. lastly….
    7:Religion has been over exaggerated, used, spoilt, ruined that faith has become oba what . i believe religion has groomed and raised most of us so if u through away the ethics then u lose your heart..(sorry for the long points)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Well noted, Sharon and thanks for sharing

      Liked by 1 person

  4. A married woman went like ” I need a man”
    I told her I see a ring on her finger. She replied
    “I’ve got ten fingers. The rest of the nine is free”
    Like seriously? Good piece Miss Joe

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Wow… I wonder where this world is going to. Thanks for reading, dear

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s a pleasure Miss Joe

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Daniel Oduro says:

    Such a brilliant piece….I nearly ignored the link to read this educative piece. Humanity is so much overrated. With such brilliant knowledge on the planet and amazing discoveries,we still struggle understanding basic values which wouldn’t cost us a dime. Thanks a lot for putting this up. It’s awesome!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      I know, right? Maybe we have become too smart for our own good. Thanks for taking the time to read this, Daniel. Enjoy your day

      Like

  6. vhuvu says:

    You know your post speaks the truth. Though in this era I believe it should be both parties should behave. Why should a married person be out there looking for fun. The choice they made to get married was theirs alone. Nothing except a surname and house mate changed. But you can’t trust married people to stick to one person. The Single one mentality of if that person I like is married then his/her spouse must have found something great is pathetic. Why single people can’t find their own person is weird.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      I agree, both parties should behave. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, dear. Waiting for your next post😉

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You are correct. Well expressed.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thanks for reading ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  8. dearlilyjune says:

    I agree with so much of what you said, but I think the primary burden to respect the boundaries of the marriage belongs to the husband and wife themselves (and not to those outside the marriage). I don’t agree with those who would flirt with another’s spouse, but it’s that spouse’s job to lay down the law and tell the other person he/she is married and is committed to his/her partner.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      I agree with you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  9. YesideO says:

    Boundary lines should be drawn between the married and the single.
    Life is too precious to live it complicatedly.
    Because peace, love and good conscience matter, If he/she is taken one will do well to take a walk. We save our world and keep our peace when we act considerately.

    We never go wrong when we ask the right questions instead of assuming.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Very well put. Thanks for sharing your thoughts

      Like

  10. Mabcel says:

    Say it again!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Shereen says:

    You said everything I’ve been thinking lately!! Someone commented that the responsibility to keep the marriage in tact belongs to he couple only, and I agree. But the whole “it takes a village,” saying applies here too. I’m not married but I know marriage is a struggle and I think we all need to help married ppl be successful in their decision. One way we can help as single people is not being overly friendly with “taken” people.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. joseyphina says:

      Exactly Shereen. We should all be responsible in ensuring marriages don’t break down

      Like

  12. Great points raised here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thanks for reading 👍

      Liked by 1 person

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