Gone are the days when married people were totally out of bounds to the single and searching. Nowadays, it seems wearing the ring means they are only one foot in the pool-still active for the taking. Apart from the witchcraft of wanting to take someone else’s spouse just because you think you deserve him better than the wife, some people clearly don’t see the big deal of playing the side chick role because the man is ‘good, generous and responsible’ as if that makes it okay to parasite on a fellow woman’s husband. Most men would back off after their close female friends got married or found out a woman they were into was someone else’s spouse out of respect. After all, you don’t do what you wouldn’t like to be done to you, right? Some people don’t honestly care about the feelings of others.
Check out this scenario. A struggling lady in between jobs comes across a ‘nice’ man who helps her out financially and even goes out of his way to help her get a good job. On one of their conversations, it slips out that he is married but is unhappy. The lady’s first instinct is to break things off immediately but reconsiders because of the immense help he has been to her. He assures her he’d leave his wife and marry her if she would agree to it. Confused about what to do considering the fact that she was already having feelings for him, she consulted her mother about the situation hoping to get some wisdom.
And guess what, the mother proposed that since the man is generous and responsible, the lady should consider having his child so she would be assured of being well taken care of. When she protested that the man was married, the mother dismissed it saying, if the wife was taking good care of her husband, he wouldn’t be chasing her around town. And if the wife made him as unhappy as he claimed, then there was nothing wrong with keeping such a good man happy if it was in her power to do so.
“But he’s married!” Either the m word didn’t sink into her thoughts or she just chose to ignore it, the mother insisted that it was fine if she didn’t want to take over the wife’s place in his life but bearing him a child was the way to go.
“But if he can leave his wife for me, then he can leave me too for another.” “That’s why I’m not necessarily asking you to accept his marriage proposal. Just bear him a child, preferably, a son. That would seal the deal. This way, he will take care of you and the baby and if you find a husband for yourself later on, you can end things with him romantically but keep him bound to taking care of his child. All the good men are either taken or yet to be born, my dear. You either switch off the conscience and grab the ones who come on to you or you wait your turn. You know time isn’t really on your side. You don’t have many years to wait around. Take him on his offer. You get spared on performing the wifely duties but enjoying receiving the cash. I’m telling you things have changed. You have to change along with it.”
Seriously? This misguided advice wasn’t offered by her peers who might be dismissed of not knowing better but by her mother who by the fact that she is older and has seen much more of life would tell her the truth no matter how unpleasant it might sound.
Since when did married mean flirt with until you find your own? Why can’t people put themselves in the shoes of the ones they want to overthrow? The fact that he claims he is unhappy doesn’t make it right for one to play the role of the spare part whose services are sought for when the main machine was faulty.
Some ladies actually push these married men to leave their wives and marry them instead. They forget the whole ball game changes when you move in together. There’s a lot of insecurity about where he is when you don’t reach him on the phone or he comes home late because of fears that he has found yet another someone to play your previous side chick role. Stolen possessions never last long in the grips of the thief.
If he claims he is unhappy, maybe he should work on himself and his marriage. The flames of compatibility might not always be on but marriage is more than feelings. It’s a commitment. Leave him to figure it out. If he goes ahead to leave his wife, you should have no hand in it. The tears of a neglected wife would only curse you and your future.
Married meant out of bounds back then and should mean even more the same today.
© Josephine Amoako 2016