What Was I Thinking? LIII


Staring at myself in the mirror, I realized how emaciated I had become. Glancing at my image made my eyes hurt. I was now a faint shadow of who I used to be. My eyes were puffed up, sore from the crying that has become my sleeping companion for some time now. Trying to recall the last time I smiled proved to be almost impossible now.
I sighed. Another morning. Another day. I had lost track of how long I have been here. All I could do was think of how to get out of this hellhole and each thought ended with a dead-end. I slumped down on the bed and began to wonder how everyone was faring. My mum and dad, Karen and even Adam.
If Fitz was telling the truth about his monthly allowance to her mother, was it really all she cared about?  I guess I inherited my love of money from her. Did Karen still think of her and hope that she was alive? Did Adam still think of her when writing his songs or had he found another pretty girl to be his muse already?
Life still went on; with or without me. The world did not end when my life did; such a painful hindsight to have. If I could turn back the hands of time…where would I want to start all over? I still had no idea.
It has been two days since I had seen lil’ Karen and I had missed her greatly. That was Fitz’s new strategy to weaken my resolve and it was more than efficient. I felt my air getting caught in the throat as if I was being strangled. Even if I could run right now, I couldn’t leave my daughter behind and Fitz knew that.
Father, have mercy on your poor child, I prayed helplessly.
The door opened and I looked up. It was that man who probably lived in the house but always avoided eye contact with me.
“Oh I’m sorry…didn’t know…”
“It’s okay; come on in.” He entered reluctantly.
“Did your boss tell you when he would be coming back?”
He looked at me oddly as if I should know. Well obviously, I didn’t.
“He didn’t say. He said he had some business to take care of and that he’d be back soon.” I nodded.
“May I please…use your phone?” He sighed.
“I’m sorry ma’am but I can’t do that. He gave me strict orders not to.”
I nodded, trying to hold back my morning tears.
“You really want to leave this place?”
“I really do.  I’m not supposed to be here. He…” He stopped me by raising his hand.
“I really do not want to know what is going on between you and my boss because I don’t want to be involved. But I can help you. The only problem is, it’s a bit…radical.” “What do you mean, radical?” “How far are you willing to go to get out of here?” “All the way. I just…wish I had my baby here with me.” “Well, it is good she’s not here…considering what I have in mind.” I looked at him cautiously. What exactly did he have in mind?
“You can only leave this house on the basis of necessity.” Okay…where was he going with this?
“You have to be very ill or best to say dying.” I arched a brow. He was suggesting a suicide attempt, right? I was desperate to get out but what if something went wrong?
I blinked.  I hesitated a moment to let it sink in.
“Okay…what…what do you have in mind?” “I could lace your drink with a strong sedative. It could make you look like you’re dying.” “And I wouldn’t really?” “No…If you get to a hospital in time…”
“If?” I asked, not convinced.
“It’s a risk, I know but it’s yours to take. You can continue to live here, having tears for breakfast and supper or you can choose to take a chance. What is it going to be?” Was he expecting me to come up with a decision right now?
“It sounds like you’ve had it in mind for quite a while,” I remarked, trying to buy myself some more time to think.
“I can see how you’re suffering here. I just want to help you out of here.” “Thanks.” He nodded and left the room. I sat on my bed.
My mind was racing. I began to chew on my fingernails nervously. If I could call Karen before being rushed to the hospital, then she’d find me before Fitz did. If the reverse happened, then I was doomed forever. I’d never see the light of day for sure.
But if this plan succeeded, Fitz would still have my baby and my gut told me he wouldn’t let go of her without a fight. But telling the world about what he did to me would give me the support to get her back. This was selfish, I knew but it was my best option. My only option, to be precise. Sorry baby, but mummy’s got to do this.
With deep determination, I got up and opened the door. Our eyes met and with a curt nod, he walked off. I walked back to the bed and felt my heart beating. Was I going crazy? Was I ready to gamble with my life just so I could get away?
Before I got the chance to change my mind, he had appeared in my room with a glass of water. He handed it to me and I found my fingers shaking. It took a stern look from him to me to gather up the courage to bring the glass to my lips.
“Don’t worry; I have my phone in hand. I’ll take you to the hospital myself and call your husband immediately.”
I nodded, whiles forcing the chilled water down my throat. I handed the half empty glass to him and waited for all hell to break lose.
“It will all be over soon.” Well, I had to see about that, right?
His drug started to kick in and I felt faint.
“Please…call him and get me out of here,” I said with much difficulty.
“We need to make this look more convincing.”
“Huh?” I could hardly keep my eyes open now. My drowsy eyes popped open when I saw him pull out a pocket knife. He held my wrists. I gasped at what he was going to do.
“What are you trying to do?” “Do you trust me?” He asked, looking at me intently. I swallowed. I didn’t but saying the wrong thing to someone with a knife didn’t sound like a smart idea.
“He has to believe it is an emergency, ma’am. I promise I won’t cut too deep.” I stared at my wrists. I have never been a big fan of scars so I had always made sure to keep my body ‘without blemish’ as much as possible. But having a perfect skin stuck in this hole was worse. I nodded, regretting it immediately. I bit down on my lower lip when I felt the sharp metal slash my wrist.
Oh God, what have I done? How could I entrust my life into the hands of a stranger who never gave me much of a smile before? Was my life going to end like this?
He stood back and watched me.  What was he staring at me for?! I wanted to shout at him but I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
“Please…please…don’t let me die…” I pleaded in faint tones as I faded away into oblivion.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Kim Sweeting says:

    Very dramatic Joseyphina👍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thanks Kim. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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