I know I’m young and I haven’t experienced most of life’s troubles. I know observation and hearsay are nothing compared to experience. One’s opinions about a situation no matter how sensible they sound are not as valid as someone else’s who has actually lived the situation. But this observation is enough for me to make a stance.
I won’t marry my father.
When we are young, we tend to perceive life through rose-coloured spectacles. No matter how practical we want to be, there’s still that bubble of virtual reality where our expectations reside.
Life is full of bliss and communication is great. Oh, we are so great together! And we can talk through anything. As long as we can talk through anything, we can survive anything! But we ignore the fact that time brings about change; not just physically but behavioural as well. Our tolerance levels change-better for some people, and unbearably worse for others.
Being religious is not enough, recognizing a great potential in somebody is not enough and hearing promises of love and a happy future together is certainly not a guarantee.
I have not married before but growing up as an offspring of one has taught me a lot. Seeing what goes in day in day out makes me wonder why many people are rushing to get married these days. The wedding makes waves for some weeks at most but separation takes place on a low-key. Now, the separation/divorce rates are alarming. People attend ceremonies and even bet on how long it would last. I give it a year.
I understand periodic misunderstandings are inevitable in every relationship; some even say they help keep the bond stronger. But I know it gets toxic whenever the misunderstanding stems from saying or doing something deliberately to hurt the other and occurs frequently.
Some people only view as hitting or hurting someone physically as abuse and categorize the others as ‘heated quarrels.’ But I have realized that emotional/verbal abuse does as much damage as the physical. It keeps the blood boiling hot with bitterness and rage and fills the mind with grudge and an incredibly long register of past faults.
So if anyone asks me who my ideal husband should be like, the last person I would refer to would be my father. And I pray my brother doesn’t grow up to be his replica in his future marriage. Because no woman should go through what my mother has to endure till God knows when. Watching my mother’s heart bleeding with tears breaks my heart and takes away the desire to ever commit to someone else for the rest of my life.
But getting the opportunity to witness other people’s married life made me rethink my decision. Marriage isn’t that bad; it could be great if partners respected each other enough not to air their dirty linen in public. It would work against all odds if both partners consider themselves blessed to have the other in their lives; and not to see it as a favor made to the other partner. Such heartbreaking awareness may not be made early enough and the rest of your middle age will be taking the heart to live with the ache of it all.
If only he knew that in hurting my mother, he scarred me too…hopefully, not for life.