What Was I Thinking? XIV


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My relationship with my husband was growing so uncomfortably stale by the day that I had to constantly cook up excuses to get out so I don’t get myself asphyxiated. Gosh, what had I gotten myself into? I knew I couldn’t eat my cake and have it at the same time but it seems I made a very poor decision which had cost me my freedom and everything that comes with it. I would confess right now, there’s nothing as miserable as finding yourself stuck in a loveless and BORING marriage. Whenever I saw him busily hitting the keyboard of his computer with that silly grin on his face, I felt like walking over to him, snatching it away and smashing it heavily on the floor. Maybe, only then would he know how frustrated I felt. Or maybe it was his way of communicating to me that I was free to do whatever I like…with whoever I like. I decided to console myself with that.

After denying Adam a date countless times, I decided to take him up on his offer. I just had to be careful. After all, what was the worst thing that could happen? Even if the ugliest scenario was to play out, I was smart enough to maneuver my way out. Indeed, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. My sense of feeling neglected by my busybody of a husband had kindled in me a daring, confident spirit that I could go all out and come back in one piece.

I walked to my husband in my cute wedge heels and kissed his cheek.
“I’m going to hang out with a friend. Won’t be long.”
“Oh really? I was hoping we could spend time together today.”
I arched a brow and pointed to the computer.
“You call caught up with your computer spending time together?”
“Oh no, of course not. I’ll be done in a few minutes and we could you know…”
“Well, my friend is already waiting for me so…”
“Who is it?”
“Excuse me?”
“You said your friend which means it’s not Karen.”
“How do you know?”
“Because it were her, you’d simply say Karen. So, who’s he?”
“He?”
“I don’t know you to have any more close girlfriends other than Karen so I figure it is a guy.” I just stared at him blankly, trying to find a sensible thing to say to put this fire out but my mind was as blank as my facial expression. How smart did I think I was again?

“You know what, I’m not saying you can’t see your friends. You’re still young and you’d love to enjoy life at this age and it would be selfish of me to get in the way especially when I don’t make enough time for us. So, if you really need to go, then fine. We can do this another time,” Fitz explained. I blinked hard but said nothing. He looked at me, waiting for my response.
“You forgot your ring,” Fitz pointed to my naked finger. I quickly covered it with my right hand. Our eyes met and it felt like he was staring at my bare soul and it felt…scary.

“Um…yeah, I must have forgotten. I’m in quite a hurry so perhaps another time. Take care, honey,” I kissed him on the cheek again and quickly walked out of the house.
I sighed deeply when I sat in the car. This was all Fitz’s fault. If only he had given me a little more attention, he wouldn’t have driven me into the arms of another guy. The timing was terribly wrong. I’d have loved to spend time with Fitz…it’s been so long a time but I had given my word to Adam and I’d like to keep it. Maybe I could keep it short and rush back home to Fitz. Killing both birds with one stone was such an efficient use of my time and resources, I smiled proudly to myself as I drove off.

We met at a beach resort which was pretty quiet and calm. We chatted comfortably and I applauded myself inwardly for choosing to come meet Adam.
“I have a surprise for you.”
“Okay….what is it?!” I asked eagerly.
“Nothing material but I hope you like it.” That’s when he picked up the guitar next to him. I gaped in surprise.
“You play? Wow…”
Instead of replying, he began to sing. Oh my, his voice was the most soothing melody my ears had ever listened to. As I watched to him play and sing, I felt my body completely melt with his lyrics.
“Where were you months ago?” I thought aloud.
He smiled. “I am here now.” I smiled back.

Timing was everything. Being here with him felt so right but with Fitz in the picture, it also felt considering the feelings I was beginning to develop for Adam. If I had met him right after my break up with Tony, my life would be so different now. But the timing was off. Adam seemed like a great guy. I dare say he was one of the best things to have happened to me but also he was like a grenade, waiting to explode in my face if the trigger went off.
“You’re my muse, Emily. With you in mind, I can picture a lot of possible futures and they all look good,” Adam said.
And he was my worst possible distraction. I suddenly felt John Legend was talking about me when he sang “All of Me.” My phone beeped and I glanced at the screen. It was Fitz asking me if I was on my way back home.
“I’m sorry but I’ve got to go. I had a great time with you today, Adam and I wished I could stay longer but I have to run,” I apologized, getting up.
He held my hand to stop me.
“If you want to, then stay. I love what is happening between us and I know you do too.”
“Adam…” He kissed me and that threw me off balance. Oh, so the cliché Hollywood movies didn’t lie about that. Cool.

“We don’t know what tomorrow brings…we can’t tell what would happen an hour from now. All we have is now so why not spend now the best way we know how?” Adam said, his voice tearing down the defenses I was fighting so hard to keep up. I didn’t even notice that he had taken the bag I was holding from me till I heard it fall on the sand. He kissed me again and it felt heavenly. But I was going to home to meet…who was it again?

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