To My Would-Have Been Sibling

I wished I could have met you. I can’t tell if my life would have been much easier or more complicated with you in it but I still wished I had met you. When I heard my mum lost you before you could join the world, I was dumbfounded. I never knew until recently and although I have been blessed with lovely siblings, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of pain tugging at my heart when my mother told me. She didn’t seem much affected by the ordeal like I was. I guess time has helped healed that wound.

Ever since I found out about you, I’ve been wondering how you’d have looked like and how you’d fit into our family. Would you be as reserved as I am, wild as my little sister or a little bit of both like my brother? I guess I would never know.

Mum is amazing in every sense of the word: extremely selfless and very protective. Dad is firm and supportive (they are not very good at showing emotions but they are great too!). My siblings can be a headache but you would have loved them. I can’t imagine my life without them.

But a part of me is also glad that you dodged the bullet entering this crooked world I find myself in. Life isn’t fair but the God who created life is faithful so there’s hope. I know you would never get to read this but I needed to write down how I feel about you. You never existed so I have no reason to miss you but I felt a part of me die when I heard about you.

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For all persons out there who have lost a child or a sibling, I know it is a terrible feeling. We may never understand why they were taken away from us but God knows best. God always restores what has been taken from us. And what He gives in return is more than what was taken. Take heart and comfort yourself knowing that, their gentle souls are at peace away from this chaotic world.