What Was I Thinking? IV


Amazingly, Karen didn’t freak out the way I expected when I broke the news to her. Instead, she asked quietly, “How sure are you?”

“As sure as I know today is a Wednesday.”

“You’ve been drowning yourself in worry that it might happen. That can affect your cycle, you know.”

“Mine is like clockwork no matter what mood I’m in.”

“We’ll see about that.” She excused herself and came back five minutes later holding two pregnancy test kits. She threw them on my lap.

“Try them and see.”

“You want me to pee on a stick?”

“You’ll be doing worse if you find out for sure. Now be quick with it.”

I got up with pouted lips and entered the bathroom. Why does she make me feel like a kid sometimes?

She lifted it off the table and glanced at it and turned it to I could see it for myself.

“I’m not?”

“Uh huh, just as I suspected.”

“Huh,” I said thoughtfully. Karen studied me closely.

“You don’t seem relieved about it.”

“I am…of course I am.”

“But a part was convinced that you are. Thank God He had pity on you or you’d end up being one miserable person for the rest of your life.”

“Tell me about it. I can’t believe I broke up with Tony over a false alarm.”

“You told him without being totally sure?”

“Well he asked me what was wrong with me and I told him what was bothering me.”

“And what did he say? That he wasn’t ready to be a father? Very typical.”

“But I could go back and tell him it was a mistake on my part and maybe we could…”

“Seriously, Em? You should be thankful that he’s gone. If you were to be pregnant, he wouldn’t lift a finger to help you. Why would you even think of going back to him?”

“Well, obviously it was unplanned and we are both young. Next time, we would be more careful…”

“Next time? You’re planning on having a next time? Why am I even surprised? Your cookie jar has already lost its seal.”

“Here we go again! And if you care to know, I was the one who ended things with him.” Karen arched a brow.

“Good for you.” I blinked hard, waiting for her approval.

“It’s still a no,” she said bluntly. I sighed.

“I don’t even need your permission…”

“To what, run back into the arms that just let you go just an hour ago? Of course you don’t.” I sat back quietly on the bed with a face of a girl who had just been refused candy.

“But he’s sweet to me and very caring.”

“If all that’s what you need, any guy out there can fit that criteria. It’s in their DNA! They can be as sweet and charming as you want until…”

“They get that cookie; I get it. But Tony is my first love…”

She walked out, slamming the door behind her before I could finish my sentence. Karen can be such a…sweetheart sometimes.

But my mind was made up by the time I woke up the next morning. I was going to give Tony a second chance. Who doesn’t deserve one? So I took my sweet time dressing up, just for him.

“You know you’re late, right?” You-know-who’s voice asked. I checked my watch.

“Oh no…” I rushed out.

Halfway to the lecture hall, I realized I forgot to take my notebook. Ah well, I could always ask for Tony’s or better yet, ask him sweetly to write them for me. Oh, I get to look into those cute eyes again! I literally felt my body go all gooey…

My happy mood came to a pause when I entered the hall and caught the lecturer’s cold gaze at me. I coiled and sat down quietly. I looked around to see if I could find Tony. He was sitting beside one of his close buddies. He turned halfway and for a brief second, our eyes met. But before my smile could fully come out, he had looked away. For a minute, the incomplete smile froze on my face. I could swear he saw me. Why did he look away without the courtesy of even a nod? Maybe he didn’t, the hopeful (and silly) part of me said consolingly. When the class ended, I was the first to walk out. I wanted to stand at a place where he would see me well this time so we could talk. I ran my fingers through my hair one last time to be sure…

Then he came out with his friend.

“Hi Tony!” I called out, my voice ringing out a bit too excited than I wanted. He looked up at me, gave a curt nod and walked on.

A part of me died that instant. From that moment, I swore never to love again. I’d walk through life heartless; only in flesh. That’s when I met Fitz.


4 Comments Add yours

    1. joseyphina says:

      Thank you for passing by, Maky ☺


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